cigarettes after sex | hyunin

twenty-three

smoke.

the scent filled up the room so much that it made jeongins wake up from the familiar scent - but it wasn't a good familiar. he knew that hyunjin only lit one of those things up was to destress or to wash away the guilt he had. cigarettes were like temporary happiness. the feeling you got holding them up to your lips? an indescribable pleasure.

"jinnie-ah, didn't i tell you to smoke less?" jeongin mumbled groggily, wiping his eyes and looking over to the clock above hyunjins door to see the time - 2:34 am. hyunjin blew out the smoke and turned away from the window to look at the smaller, the boy looking so delicious to him.

"and i told you to stop being so fucking sexy but there you are." the brunette said with a playful smirk, throwing the cigarette he held between his fingers out of the window and made his way to the bed, crawling on top of a blushing jeongin.

the two stared at each other intensely for a few seconds until hyunjins lips connected to jeongins soft skin. the kisses left on his neck were rough, almost biting him, sucking so harshly on his skin. "jinnie- be more soft..." the youngers voice wavered, feeling uneasy about how the other was acting right now.

"shut up you slut." the boy mumbled, wrapping his hands around jeongins neck, the bites trailing down from the left side of his neck down to his collarbone. the blondes skin was all shades of purple and red, some places almost bleeding from the harshness of hyunjins teeth. jeongin was torn on whether he felt good or if he was just in pain, from one moment close to a moan to yelping out in pain - but hyunjin didn't stop and instead tightened his grip around jeongins neck.

"y-your being a bit too rough.." the younger trailed off, feeling like he would piss hyunjin off more than he already was if he spoke up. normally jeongin would love the feeling of hyunjins slender fingers wrapping around his neck, choking him only slightly, but this felt aggressive. "didn't i tell you to shut the fuck up." hyunjin growled and loosened his grip around the boys neck, instead tugging on his hair harshly.

jeongin gulped a little, feeling a little scared at the hyunjin on top of him. was he finally getting shown that side of hyunjin he had only ever read about? "b-but" the boy paused once he saw hyunjins expression sharpen, getting angry at seeing those lips moving to talk - the only exception would to be hearing his moans not his complaints.

"jeongin. don't test me." the words were so stern that it made him shiver a little, looking up at hyunjin with confused eyes. he wasn't sure on why hyunjin was acting like this. was he upset still ? angry ? and if so why was he getting so... well, aggressive.

hyunjin forcefully held down jeongins wrists between one on his hands, holding them above the youngers head tightly - so tight it would probably leave a mark. the brunette had gone back to attacking the others neck, loving the way jeongin squirmed beneath him. "hyunjin please... you're hurting me." the younger mumbled in a tone that pulled made hyunjin freeze up, he sounded so fragile.

"shit." the older mumbled as he got off of jeongin, seeing how uncomfortable he looked - he wasn't pleasuring the boy at all, he was just making him feel scared. he knew what kind of stuff the boy was into but he still valued being treaded with care and he did the opposite. "baby i'm sorry." hyunjin gulped a little, watching as jeongin buttoned up the shirt he was wearing and turn around to face the opposite way to hyunjin.

jeongin didn't want to look at him right now.

the way the older touched him made him feel like he was worthless. the words leaving his mouth making him feel like hyunjin only wanted his body. the way he was choked and restrained like he was some kind of animal, he hated it, but one day he would have to learn to accept that that's what hyunjin was like.

"baby?" hyunjin whispered softly, snaking his arms around the youngers waist - in which the boy flinched a little at the touch, he was a bit too delicate and sometime hyunjin forgot that. "you promised not to hurt me again" the blonde said with a slight sniffle, making hyunjin frown at how often he made the boy cry.

"i-i... i'm sorry baby, i got carried away. i'm still a bit angry from today." hyunjin explained with a sigh, softly caressing the youngers cheek. jeongin nodded his head in response and they lay in awkward silence, not really sure how they were both feeling.

"hyunjin why do you want to do that to me?" jeongin asked randomly, talking out of the silence they had been in for a while. "what do you mean..." the older mumbled, pulling his hair back into a tight ponytail so it didn't get in his face while he slept.

"i want you to tell me why you want to see me in pain. why do you like hurting me, because you do it so much. you hurt me, and you promised you wouldn't." those delicate words washed heavy guilt over hyunjin, the voice of jeongins sounding so broken as he spoke. "i'm scared to fall in love with you, i'm scared you'll just toss me away when i get boring..." the boy added, closing his eyes to surpass the tears. crying wouldn't solve this. no one could solve it beside hyunjin, but he was to dumb to think about others.

leaving jeongins heart full of cracks.

≣

"jeongin, last night i'm sorry..." hyunjin trailed off, the two boys had only just woke up and the smaller was already hit by a guilty hyunjin, looking at the marks he had left all over the boys delicate skin. frowning to see scabs forming on the place he bit down a bit too hard, jeongins white shirt he wore to bed all blood stained around the neck.

jeongin didn't reply and avoided eye contact by jut facing the opposite way. sure he liked some thinks that were 'kinky' but hyunjin the previous night was too much for him, too dominant and too rough that he ended up just being in pain - but he knew how hyunjin liked that.

"look at me baby.." the brunette was becoming desperate, only wanting to make sure jeongin was ok before moving on with his day. he had other things to worry about like the dinner at his parents that very night but all he could think about is how he had upset jeongin.

jeongin turned to face him, innocent eyes looking up at him softly, looking so fragile. "can i tell you the reason why i get scared sometimes?" the blonde whispered and hyunjin nodded his head, scooting closer and brushing down jeongins hair to tame down the messiness from just waking up.

"something bad happened a few years ago... someone did something to me. they touched me and hurt me... i-i can't remember much i just remember passing out and waking up on bathroom tiles of a club. all i can remember is how rough they were and how much it scared me." the blonde spoke slowly, hating the thoughts he was bringing up but it was necessary for the boy to know.

"it's left me scared every time you touch me a bit to heavily, when you call me names.. i'm sorry for being so sensitive all the time but i've been through a lot." his voice became weak and hyunjin was frozen still, feeling like a jerk for treating jeongin so poorly.

"baby..." hyunjin started, pulling him in close and protectively - the way he held him made jeongin feel like he could be safe in his protection forever. "you deserve so much better than me i know. but i love you.. i don't care if you don't feel the same way yet because i'll make sure you never let me go. the bad you've gone through can be erased with me protecting you just let me in jeongin.. let me show you i'm trust worthy." the brunette said, the words making jeongin melt.

was jeongin in love too ?

≣

ok so this might sound
stupid but i made a spotify
playlist called 'how he makes
me feel' and it's in the pov of
jeongin and how hyunjin
makes him feel represented
in songs...? i don't know if
anyone would want to listen
but i'll leave the info in the
comments. i made it because
it makes me understand jeong
more when i write and i hoped
maybe you guys would be able
to understand him more as
well...? idk idk.

- rin !