cigarettes after sex | hyunin

forty-four

"JEONGIN?" hyunjin screamed, the line going dead before the younger could actually hear his voice scream out for him. the brunette got up as fast as he could and put on his shoes, sprinting out to his car. as he ran he had his phone in the other hand, not sure on who to call. but he soon realised that one was more important than the other.

"hello? please this is urgent. i need and ambulance sent to _ apartment block... yes by the town centre... please be fast.... ok thank you... the room number is 234 on floor 3... thank you."

hyunjin felt sick. right now all hyunjin was worried about was keeping jeongin safe, the fact he was speeding made no difference to him. he couldn't care less if he was given fifty speeding tickets, all he needed was jeongin and for him to be safe.

"felix?" hyunjin called, dialling his boyfriends roommate as he drove to jeongins apartment. "where are you? you need to get home now.."

"i'm on a date with changbin cant it wait?"

"no felix i don't need to explain it just please listen."

"whatever it is cant you handle it i'm busy."

"FUCK! JUST FUCKING LISTEN ITS JEONGIN GET HOME NOW!" hyunjin shouted, tears streaming down his eyes as he got flash backs of being with jeongin a few weeks back. the time he started to realise the truth behind jeongin and how he wasn't just this happy and cute boy.

* flashback *

"innie?" hyunjin said in shock, walking in on the boy covered in blood from his wrists. how it was dripping down onto the bathroom tiles, mixing in with the boys tears.

"g-get out! you can't see me like this!" the smaller screamed, throwing something in the directing of hyunjin, scared that he had caught him in such a state - in his worst moments of life.

"jeongin stop it please." the older spoke softly, yet worriedly, making sure to pick up loads of bandages and what not to stop the youngers bleeding.

"i-i.. i'm sorry.." jeongin spoke so sadly, in a tone that broke his heart. the boy looked so scared, so upset and hyunjin had never seen him in such a fragile state. sure he knew that some things with jeongin wasn't perfect - felix and jeongin had shared some information but right now? hyunjin knew that he wasn't perfect and that was ok, all that mattered was that he was there for him.

"baby don't do this again please." hyunjin whispered, holding the boy in his arms so delicately once everything was all cleaned up. "it's going to be ok.. i promise." he whispered again, this time more soothingly, stroking at jeongins blonde locks and kissing his forehead ever so slightly.

"the moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

jeongin mumbled, as if he was trying to distract hyunjin from what was truly going on. the older knew the phrase and the meaning behind it. how it was just one poetic way of saying 'i love you' but something about it felt different.. how it was kind of a way for jeongin to tell him he wasn't doing ok but that he still loved him.

hyunjin knew if he ever heard those words again to make sure to do whatever he could to protect his innie.

* end of flashback *

hyunjin wasn't sure if he was crazy or overthinking it completely to assume that jeongin was doing the worst to himself at just those simple words, yet he felt like he knew jeongin so well that it was true. in fact, the older wished that maybe he was crazy, crazy to think that his boyfriend was hurting himself - but deep down he knew it was true.

true enough to race to his apartment, true enough to call felix, true enough to call the emergency services and-

true enough to when he pulled up at the apartment parking lot to see him. see him lay there lifelessly on a stretcher being rushed into an ambulance.

hyunjin jolted out of his car once it was parked and went rushing over, at first being held back but after multiple screams of hyunjin claiming to be the one who called up and his boyfriend he was aloud near. he ran beside them and sat in the ambulance along side jeongin, feeling like he was about to faint.

he reached a hand out to touch the youngers face, feeling his cheek and how cold it was.. only moments later looking at his arms that had been bleeding out now wrapped up in bandages.

"j-jeongin.. please.. be ok.. for me?" hyunjin whispered so desperately, he needed jeongin to be fine. he needed him to be fine because if he wasn't he wasn't sure how he could go on without seeing his beautiful face...

without seeing him at all.

≣

i'm so sorry
:(((

- rin.