trying to feel better

day 264

04.14.21
11:28 pm

I haven't written on here in a while. I really had to work on myself. Mentally and emotionally. I'm in a way better head space right now then I have been these past couple weeks. I've been taking care of myself more physically and it's truly been working out. I've got a "happy glow".

I'm just truly happy. I'm no longer crying myself to sleep or feeling so anxious. I thank God for bringing me through that. The most recent thing with me and E is that for a week his energy was off with me.

I had went away for a weekend and when I got back he was acting super dry. Which was weird and I brought it to his attention. I assumed that maybe there was another girl in the picture but luckily I'm reassured that there's not.

Cause I told him some stuff about me and him liking each other and he didn't deny it so I guess we're good. Today he came to my house. Nobody was home. And no it was not a "sneaky link". We both asked permission and my mom said yes that he could come over.

He was locked out of his house so I invited him. He came and we chilled for a little. We just laid in bed together and watched our favorite tv show. Then I ran my hand up his thigh and have his dick a little squeeze. He obviously liked that cause 5 minutes later he was complaining that I made him horny.

I'm a bigger girl and E is skinny. So I'm very self conscious and sometimes just genuinely question what he even finds attractive about me. Cause obviously I make him horny. Which means he wants to have sex with me but I just feel so self conscious and I think that's what's stopped me from having sex with him.

But he grabbed me and sat me on his lap and began to grind on me. And obviously I was into it. Felt amazing but what I really realized is that it's true what they say. Skinny guys can definitely handle our weight. Then me and him stopped cause my mom got home.

But it didn't stop him cause we were still just chilling in my room the two of us and he kept grabbing my boobs and squeezing them.

It's annoying how we are with each other cause it's like duhhh there's feelings there. But it's whatever. I'm satisfied with what we have. I'm happy and so is he.

We're good together just like this. And if I'm the future things change then we'll deal with that when we cross that bridge.