10.17.23
12:17 am
It's been a crazy few weeks. He's back together with his girlfriend. I expected nothing less from him. He's given me no explanation. No apology. Nothing and I keep expecting something to come out of his mouth.
I keep expecting him to beg me for my forgiveness. I keep waiting for "I'm sorry", to come out of his mouth. But nothing. And I'm so angry about that. I hate that he's moving on again. He used me, for what he wanted and now he's back together with her.
I just wonder how he sleeps at night. How can he be okay with who he is as a person? It baffles me that he thinks he's a good person. I'm disappointed in him. And I can't believe I ever allowed someone like that to be in my life.
But we're moving on. I've been doing good with God. Trying to get my ducks in a row. Trying to keep my eyes on God. Making sure I'm doing right in the eyes of God. Cause that's all that matters to me right now.
I will say I may have a little crush. Just a tiny one. It's on a family friend who I grew up with. I spoke about him about 3 years ago. And there was definitely a vibe the other night. We went on a coffee run and it just felt like there was something there.
Nothing crazy. But it felt nice having someone so honest to be in my presence. Someone who said, "I feel like I can read you like a book". It's like I'm not scared to tell him the bad things I've done. Which I have told him. I've told him about my crazy party days.
I even told him about how I lost my virginity. Didn't get too much into those details cause he doesn't like the guy I lost it to. Long story.
But he even remembered the conversation we had 3 years ago. I remember some of it but not all of it. He even remembers the song I played that night on our car ride home. I don't remember any of that. But he does and that just feels like there's a vibe.
Maybe I'm delusional, but whatever it is I'm just putting it in God's hands. If there's something to pursue then allow that to happen. If not then just allow us to be great friends. Cause we click very well.
But that's life! And I'm doing great in school! Super happy about that. Thank you God 🦋
YOU ARE READING
trying to feel better
Romansathese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
