09.23.21
11:21 pm
E and I aren't speaking to each other right now. A part of me is so sad and the other is angry. I'm angry at him for making me feel this way. I'm angry that he feels he can push me away when something upsets him. I'm angry that's he's hurt. When I'm the one who's been hurting all these months.
Every-time he mentions a girl it hurts my feelings. Every-time he doesn't put the girl who likes him in her place it hurts me. Where was the consideration when it came to my feelings??? Why isn't he considerate of my fucking feelings!
I hate him! Like so much and I'm honestly glad that he doesn't want to talk to me right now. Let him take all the time he needs because I think when he's finally ready to talk, I'll finally be ready to walk away. I'll finally be ready to leave him and leave this situation that we've made.
When he's done being ready I'll be ready to move on. I won't want to talk when he wants to talk. I'm over it. I think this will be feather that finally broke the camels back.
His actions truly speak volumes. And I'm finally listening. He's upset with me because lately I've been giving him attitude when he's done something wrong. Or done something that hurts me. I won't tell him what it is. I just give myself a few days and I'm good. But he's hurt this time. This time he feels it's unfair. This time he feels I'm making him out to look like an asshole.
And honestly maybe he is and he's finally realizing it, but just wants me to validate it. Like I have to fucking validate every time he does some stupid shit! Every time he ignores when a girls flirting with him. Or every time he's flirting with a girl. Or makes some dumbass comment about a girl in front of me. IM TIRED!
I'm done. This is it for me. I will throw these 7 years of friendship out the window. I no longer care. I no longer have it in me to fight anymore.
And maybe this is why what we've been doing has been a bad idea from the beginning. We always feared that if we did things that friends shouldn't do it would end up bad. It would end up with us ruining the bond we have.
But I'm done. I no longer want to talk or hear what he has to say.
YOU ARE READING
trying to feel better
Romancethese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
