12.13.22
11:22 pm
It's been almost a month since the last time I had sex with him. I miss it. I miss being intimate with him. I miss that vulnerability of giving yourself to someone.
Sex for me is more than physical. I believe it's emotional, mental, and physical. For me, I've got to have some sort of emotional connection with the person. I need to mentally be in the moment. And physically I need to be confident.
And I feel all of those things when I'm with him.
And I know he still has feelings for me. What we had doesn't just go away. It takes time but I can't give it the time if I fall back on my word. I kind of gave him head and let him lick and suck me. And it was a mistake cause now it opened that door back up.
It opened up an opportunity for us to have this extreme sexual chemistry and now I wanna fuck him. And I know he wanna fuck me but I can't. I can't go back into this cycle with him. I won't do it because I know the outcome.
The ONLY way I'd even think of going back is if he changed. If he grew tf up and became the guy I know he can be. But that takes time. Growth takes time and it's time I'm not willing to give.
I've told him before how I know he'd be an amazing boyfriend and husband one day. He'd be an amazing partner but he needs to grow up and take time for himself. And I've also told him I'm not gonna wait around for him.
The last thing I'd ever do is wait for a boy to grow some balls and be a fucking man.
Now if life takes us back to each other time and time again then that's different. If by the time we circle back years from now and he's grown up then you just never know. I don't know what the future holds but I'd love it to be him. For him to be my future.
I've had dreams of us. Dreams of what our life could be like together. I've dreamt of us having children. Of is being engaged. Of us being together. And I hope those dreams become reality one day, but if not they were amazing dreams. They made me feel incredible and I'll hold onto that forever.
I don't what my future holds or who it holds, but I'm taking it day by day. Everything will fall into place at the right time and the right moment.
YOU ARE READING
trying to feel better
Romancethese are all true thoughts and feelings. they belong to me and I've decided to share them with you. in hopes that i will one day feel better. most of these will be about a boy. and the rest will be about me. please be kind.
