trying to feel better

day 286

05.07.21
7:26 am

Last night E and I had a really great conversation. As I told you guys he confessed his feelings for me and of course I was happy, but it's been weird. It's like when someone likes you they're suppose to put in effort. They're supposed to want to call and talk to you. Text you and just hang out with you. He's not like that.

And so E has been talking to some girl since October. I know this girl cause I've met her once. She seems really nice and I've never let my feelings for E cloud my judgement. I've never not liked any girl he's talked to no matter how I feel. Cause he's my best friend and I support him in everything.

And so he was venting to me about her last night and I told him that he actually likes her more then what he says. Cause he's told me before that he likes her but not as much as before. And last night he was acting like the over protective boyfriend. So I told him straight up; you obviously like her more then what you say even though she annoys the living hell out of you.

And he didn't deny so I told him he couldn't like two people at the same time. That there's always someone that he's going to like more. So he's like, on a scale of 10 I'm at a 7.5 with her. And I told him that's high. That's like 75% out of 100%. And then he said that he likes me way more than her.

I told him I didn't believe him. I said that his actions don't correspond to what he tells me. I told him he puts no effort into texting or calling me. I said I feel like it's just me. And he was like but it's different with you. I know you and how you are and you know me. Which he's right.

It's different with us because we're not strangers. We're not people getting to know each other. We know each other already. We're best friends. It's always going to be different. He's always told me that I'm different. Which sometimes I get on his ass about saying that. Cause it's like I wish I was just some girl that he likes. Not his best friend.

He told me he was scared to be in a relationship with me. He said he feared losing the extremely powerful bond we have. And I understand his concerns. I feel the same way but I think I'm more willing to try it out.

The main concern also is that you guys know we go to church. And the leaders in our church are nosey as hell!!! He said if we'd date that he wouldn't want any of them in our business. And I agree. I wouldn't want anyone telling us how to have a relationship with each other. I wouldn't want anybody in our business. And this is a huge factor.

I think me and E will probably date, but I think it has to happen organically. It has to happen naturally. Cause if we rush into it then we might ruin it. If it's something that is truly meant to be then it will be. So as much as I wish I could rush things, I won't.

Also he told me not to tell anyone about what we talked about. He said he wanted us to have something for just us. He wants to keep this between just me and him. I really like this version of E.