trying to feel better

day 303

05.24.21
10:22 am

It's been a rollercoaster of emotions honestly. E and I are good. I think I sometimes let things get to me. And I assume and make myself feel horrible. I assume the worst most times and that's my biggest downfall.

Lately E has been calling me more. We've been having conversations more and I'm really happy about that. I feel like I just wanna tell him how strong my feelings really are. Cause I feel like I'm just waiting for his moves. To see where he's at and I'll comply. Or I'll just follow his feelings and not my own.

Like yesterday he was in the car and was really quiet with his headphones in. So I assumed he didn't wanna come out with us. Or he was upset. Then we get out and we're at a mall. So his moms like oh go with him while we wait for the restaurant. I really didn't wanna go cause like I said I thought he was upset.

So then he finally takes his headphones out with me and asks what's wrong with me. I'm like no it's you. And he's like no it's just my mom talks too much so I put my headphones in to ignore her. So after that I was fine lmao.

Then we went to eat after we walked around. And at dinner E was like super close to me. Like he did not move. So it was my younger sister then me and then E. The 3 of us sat together. But he had space on the edge to move.

He kept like leaning on me. And putting his head on my shoulder. Then after dinner we went to get ice cream. And at the ice cream shop it was us and my mom. He comes over to me and wraps his arms around me and we just stand there.

And it's moments like those where I truly adore him. Those moments make me so nervous. But in a good way. He gives me butterflies every time he's cute like that. Or when he calls me mama or love.

I really hope that we take the time and figure out if this is something we truly want. I already told him I want a relationship and he knows that. And I know he wants to be stable before getting into a serious relationship. Cause if he and I get into a relationship it'll be extremely intense and serious.

Cause the bond that we have with each other is so powerful and beautiful. I truly think that could blossom into an amazing relationship.

Also his mom told me we'd have the most beautiful babies. I love her.