trying to feel better

day 449

10.14.21
3:21 pm

Me and E are finally in a good place again. He told m she's been going through a lot and that's why he's been super distant. That when we got into our argument it just kicked him over the edge with everything else that was happening and that's why he was being so weird with me.

I kind of sensed that he was going through a lot. A close friend had told me that since we have a soul tie cause I had sex with him. That whatever E is going through I'm more then likely feeling it as well.

I didn't think soul ties or twin flames were a real thing till E. I truly don't think he's my soulmate, but I think he's my twin flame. He's my other half. We're both so similar in everything. We get along so well and we come back from things so quickly. This was the first time that we've argued this long and I don't ever want this to happen again.

We hung out today. I went over to his house and we were completely alone. And well y'all know what happens when we're alone. And I love doing those things with him. It makes me happy.

But I feel like in the long run it's going to take a toll on our friendship. I expressed that if he starts talking to anyone or liking some to let me know so we can stop what we're doing. That it's super disrespectful to the other person. He told me that he's not talking to anyone.

I want more from him. I think I want just more effort. That when we hang out alone we're not just doing sexual shit. But that's what it's been like ever since we started.

I'm glad that he's my first everything, but it's like if we keep at it I won't be able to just see him as a friend. Like we're definitely friends with benefits. But what if we both get into relationships and then all we can see in each other is what we've done together.

It's weird, but we're finally in a really good place. I'm so happy to finally be back to normal with him. He's my best friend I love his whole life. And I want him to be happy. I want him to get past this tough spot in his life.

His 21st birthday is next month. I want to gift him birthday sex, but I'm too scared to bring it up. But high key I wanna get drunk and nasty with him 😩