trying to feel better

day 138

11.30.20
10:34 pm

two journal entries in one day. I'm on a roll man lmao. But I just want to make one last write in before December officially begins.

I pray and hope that this upcoming month, the last month of the year, brings us all some joy. I hope that this month someone's prayer is answered. I hope that someone gets that job they've been wanting. I hope someone gets the guy that they've been wanting or the girl. I hope someone finds joy in the smallest things.

This is the last month of the year. And i truly want it to be a month of just reflection. Reflecting over the good and the bad. The happy and the sad. The ugly and the pretty. Everything that has happened this year has been for some type of growth in us all.

We're literally living through a global pandemic. But it's brought us closer. Closer to our family and friends. It's made us realize that we have to treasure every single moment we get to be with someone we love. It's taught us that hate is a wasteful emotion and leaves a nasty taste in our mouths especially when tomorrow isn't promised.

Losing my godfather hasn't been easy. I don't think about it too much because then I'll be sad and cry. The other night I cried for him. I just wished that someone has reached out and told me he was sick. That someone would've called or even texted letting me know he wasn't doing well. Someone took that moment away from me. And hell yes I'm pissed, but I'm grateful.

I'm grateful for all the moments I've gotten to spend with him. All the times he'd pick me up from school. All the birthdays he made sure to fly in for. All the gifts he brought from his island. All of that makes the pain I feel just a little better. It makes me feel like I can go on another day without him on this earth.

I don't know if any of you lost anyone this year or ever. But if you have, you're not alone. 2020 has been one hell of a year, but I'm thankful for it. Everything that has happened has built my character. Has changed me and the way I see life.

It's changed the meaning of life for me. Everyone's meaning of life is different and I hope that your meaning has some sort of happiness in it. Above all things in this life I just want to be happy.

And I'll fight till my last breathe to make sure that I lived the happiest and fullest life ever.