Natsu's POV when fighting gray after losing lucy.
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Natsu Dragneel—the fire mage of Fairy Tail—launched his fist. And then another fist. And then another one. He didn't only use his hands, but also his feet. He kicked and he made sure all of his attacks landed on his opponent.
However, the pain he felt in his heart wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he beat his opponent. The despair and the guilt he felt was beyond describable. He was so mad—at himself—but he wanted something to be blamed. And he blamed it on his opponent.
He had failed. He had failed to protect the one person he held dear the most, and he had to pay the price. His 'home' was taken away from him, and he would never be able to see her anymore. Noticing that, Natsu grew even more furious. His attacks became stronger but also more brutal. He didn't care how, he just wanted his opponent down.
The pain suddenly came back when Natsu remembered about his 'home'. Her long blond hair, her warm chocolate eyes, her sweet smile, her cheery attitude, her trust in him, her brave figure, her compassion for her friends, her enchanting magic, and her strong determination.
His 'home' which went by the name of Lucy Heartfilia.
Natsu gritted his teeth upon remembering her and he punched his opponent harder. He was crying inside, feeling his heart broke into tiny pieces. Pieces which he knew would never be fixed. Unless his 'home' came back to him, but he knew it was impossible.
Lucy was dead.
And it was his fault. He was unable to protect her. Again.
Natsu felt like a total idiot.
He hadn't even tell her his true feelings about her. He hadn't even tell her how sorry he was, not caring about how he truly felt towards her all this time. He hadn't even tell her how precious she was to him. He hadn't even tell her how hard he fell for her.
And yet, Lucy was gone. Natsu couldn't see her anymore. He had lost his chance for good.
Out of pain, Natsu roared and lunged at his opponent.
Thinking back, maybe—just maybe—Natsu did feel something already the first time he met Lucy. It wasn't big, just a feeling of comfort. Even if they had just met, he was already feel so comfortable around her. Like everything around him was not a big deal when she smiled at him. Deep down, something was pulling him closer to her, just like a magnet. Heck, they even acted like a good old friends the first time they met. It wasn't hard at all for them to be engaged in a lively conversation. Natsu felt at ease being around her.
When Natsu chose her as his teammate—apart from Happy of course—there wasn't any doubt in his heart. He was the one who brought her to Fairy Tail, so at first he thought it was normal if she became his teammate. But when Natsu thought about it now, he chose her because he wanted her to be his teammate, whatever the reason was. It doesn't matter if he was the one who brought her to the guild or not, he just wanted to have her as his teammate. It felt right. It felt complete.
Natsu cared about her, as much as he cared all of his other nakamas. But deep down, Natsu realized that there was something different between his care for her and his care for others. Although Natsu couldn't place it into words, he knew. He felt angry when he saw Levy and the others were hurt, but he felt furious when he knew the Phantom Lord Guild had taken Lucy. Something growled from inside of it, and Natsu didn't like the idea of not seeing Lucy around him. In such a short time, Lucy had become a constant presence around him. If he didn't see her just only for a day, Natsu felt empty. Something was missing and he didn't like the feeling. That was why he always sneaked into Lucy's apartment. He knew Lucy was the only one who could feel the emptiness in a way no others could do.
Lucy was a total idiot. And a total weirdo. Sometimes she cared so much about her appearance and sex appeal, though for Natsu she was amazing just they way she was. Sometimes she cared too much about others rather than her ownself, it made Natsu felt super worried. She was strong, and Natsu knew that very well. He had always known from the first time he met her. But somehow, because of her stupidity, Natsu felt responsible about her. He felt responsible for her safety, especially when she was around him. He felt responsible to protect her, and he made sure he did that right. He even made sure there were no other guys who took that responsibility from him.
There was one time Natsu failed. He had failed to protect her, leading her future self died in order to protect her. Natsu didn't know whether he should be happy because present Lucy was still alive or sad because future Lucy was dead. All he knew was that he wanted to see her, everyday every time no matter what, and he didn't like the idea of her leaving him. Let alone died. He definitely hated that. The pain in his heart was so indescribable and that was when he realized that the Celestial mage meant something more to him. More than friends, more than teammates. He realized she was his mate, his 'home'.
And this time, he had failed. He had failed her, he had failed his responsibility on her. Because of his own carelessness and stupidity, she died. Again.
The anger was boiling and piling up inside him, and Natsu activated his demon power. Soon, his body started to resemble a dragon—he even had claws—and he stared at his opponent in deep anger. He knew it wasn't his opponent's fault—instead it was his fault—but even so he needed someone to be blamed.
So, Natsu put out all of his strength. He poured out all of his magic, trying his best to kill the demon slayer. He found him, the one he needed to blame. It was Zeref. He blamed Zeref and he also blamed his opponent in front of him. He didn't care how twisted that was, all he cared was Lucy died, and his opponent was preventing him to kill the one he blamed. He needed to get rid of Gray—even if his opponent was his dearest best friend—because all he wanted was to kill Zeref. That way, he hoped he could soothe the pain in his heart a bit.
He had promised his father that he would kill Zeref, and he would do it. No matter how hard that was. Even if that meant he had to get rid of Gray first.
The son of Igneel used his fire magic to kill his opponent. He was badly injured as well, but his sadness over Lucy's death made him keep going.
"I'm putting a stop to you here and now, Natsu!" Gray clapped his hands together and launched a magic spell.
However, Natsu Dragneel broke the spell easily and jumped to launch his own attack to Gray.
"Gray!" Natsu roared.
"Natsu!" Gray roared back.
"AARRGHHH!" The two strong mages roared as their fists were ready to meet each other.
This wasn't the first time their fists clashed, their roar broke through the air, their heads butted each other. This is definitely not the first time they had differences. But this was the first time they took a same path and clashed, only to lash out the same anger and pain they felt. They were lost, because their 'home' had been ripped away from them.
But before their clashes managed to destroy each other, Erza Scarlet came to stop them. Her left hand was frozen by Gray's fist while her right hand was burned by Natsu's fist. Her tears that fell managed to snap the two berserk mages back a bit. Erza's words and reminders of their memories together managed to subdue the rage within Gray and Natsu slowly. And Makarov's voice finally brought them back to peace. They remembered what it meant to be a family.
Natsu watched as Gray dropped to his knees, after seeing Juvia. Following him, Natsu also dropped to his knees. And then he felt a pair of warm hands wrapped around him and he recognized the soothing scent. The scent that had always managed to calm him down. His heart suddenly felt warm, all of the anger he felt before was gone completely. She came back to him. His 'home' had returned.
Natsu passed out of exhaustion and relief, right in Lucy's arms. Before he completely lost his consciousness, Natsu cried happily inside.
His 'home' had come back to him.
And Natsu Dragneel wouldn't have any other woman as his 'home', except for the one and only Lucy Heartfilia.
