B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

3. Like The Dead

I slept like the dead and probably looked like one too. I felt like a zombie getting up to do my business and went down again after the apes stuffed my stomach with a variety of food. I was disappointed that I didn't have it in me to bathe, but I just couldn't. So I slept.

After a week or so, I recovered enough to operate like a human should. I was even able to have conversations with others. Unlike the trade I made with the ape king, these conversations weren't things I planned for, but I did alright. Living in the City of Flame with Mitchell as my only real company surprisingly didn't kill off all my social skills.

The ape king was overly nice to me when he came around to see me the next time. He played the good host, making sure I was as comfortable as I could be. He had the guards fill up my room with furniture and goods to make me feel welcome.

It was only around week two of recovery that the ape king started asking me for explanations. He wasn't persistent, but he did slip his questions into our chats. I understood him a little. It was weird that I had an emerald at all, let alone not eating it for myself.

I don't think he liked my summarized versions of how and why things came to be, but he let it go with what I gave him. I did not share that Mitchell was the king of Flame City and my mate, but I did tell him that I wasn't severing the bond.

I can't tell if I earned more of his respect for protecting my mate or lost some of it for putting the city between me and a scorpion. But I don't think Bard was all that worried about a lone scorpion threatening the city, otherwise, I don't think he would've let it go so easily.

He wanted to start male hunting for me right away, but I hadn't been ready. I put on some weight, but I swear I looked like I was on my way to the grave or freshly out of it. According to my reflection in the water, my cheeks were not so sunken and my eyebags not so dramatic, but I was a sorry mess.

Mitchell did feed me good, but it was hard to force myself to eat much when I spent most of my days listening to screams. Sometimes it was males, other times it was females. But no matter who it was, I couldn't endure it. My mental health went to hell in a hand-basket because of that.

I was in a better place already and my appetite was coming back, but I didn't feel ready or able to take any male to bed. But I made a compromise.

I asked about the most eligible males of the city. I did have some plans on who I would take depending on which part of the story we were in. I wasn't going to be picky. I didn't have to love them either. As long as I had a good enough impression of them and they agreed not to start any stupid fights with each other, I would take them.

I did feel bad that I couldn't swear to love them them with my whole heart, but only a little. I would not treat them bad and I will not cut their bonds unless they make me. I had to be practical to live.

So I listened. And I found out that I was pre-Bai timeline. Or, I most likely was. By how much, I'm not sure. But the most important part was she not being here yet. That meant I had good picks for myself.

"I would like a few more days of rest. Then, can you call Winston here."

Bard nodded. "I can, but I will warn you, most females are scared of him."

"But I'm not most females, am I?" No other would trade an emerald away and we both knew that.

"No. You are not." Bard glanced at the scorpion mark on her hand as he said that. "What about the rest?"

"I will meet them. But, please keep the numbers five or less. I'm easily overwhelmed."

Exactly four days later, I woke up to a summons calling me to the throne room. I was used to being woken up at all hours thanks to Mitchell and his lack of consideration, so I was able to get up without struggle.

I brushed my teeth with a spikey fruit that was given to me and splashed water on my face. It was time to face the day and choose my mates. I searched for the giddy feeling I was hoping to have, but it was hard to find.

I didn't mean to be negative; I really wanted to be excited. I've tried to remain optimistic since I got here. Things had not been good for me, but they weren't the worst and they were improving.

Mitchell was neither kind nor gentle, but he hadn't been a monster. I never gave him the chance to force me, agreeing to mate for survival purposes pretty easily. Even then, he never came out of nowhere demanding we do it.

But he was not a gentlemen either. I had to be the one to get him up a lot of times, and when he was into it, he left some nasty bruises. But his control got better and so did my skills.

Even if my heart was never in it, I still made the choice to do it and that was not something any of the other females in that city had. So yeah... I was lucky in that way. But a bird in a cage was still trapped. And I hated that.

I stopped in front of the doorway and took a deep breathe. Here I could choose everything. The who, the when, and the how, for whatever reason I wanted.

I won't ask them to love me, even if they will do that on their own, and I won't let them demand my love either. I'm not even positive I can love like that and they will have to accept that.

...And I will have to accept that.