B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

24. Bottled Up

Before our training day came, I spoke with Harvey. I had talked to him a lot over the past two weeks, but it wasn't the same when he couldn't talk with me.

During that time, I sucked up my embarrassment and had a serious conversation with him. I sent Muir out for some privacy even though I knew he could hear anyway.

"Harvey. I have something to tell you..."

Harvey's ears stood straight as he focused. Grace's tone was different than usual.

"I made you wait so long to form a bond with you. I'm sorry."

Harvey's eyebrows raised and he panicked a little. "I-it's alright, Grace! You don't need to be sorry." Harvey regained his bearings. "Really. There is nothing you owe me. I'm already blessed to be here."

I chewed on my lip and picked my eyes up of the floor. Harvey was so patient, gentle, straightforward... unlike me.

"I waited... I thought that if your mark was closer to my heart that it might..." I trailed off, concerned that Harvey might think I'm belittling him. "I just thought it would be better, but I never asked for your opinion."

Harvey's gaze was soft and his heart warm. "Grace, you don't have to ask for my opinion. Your consideration is already immeasurable."

I went back to assaulting my lip. This was the difference in how we were raised, I get that. But it didn't make me feel great.

Harvey's hand raised and froze. His breath hitched as he made up his mind. His hand gingerly cupped Grace's cheek as his thumb tried to free her swelling lip. She did not push away his hand.  

Harvey was momentarily distracted by how soft and warm her lips felt, but Grace's somber expression brought him back to himself. "I wish I knew why this bothered you, truly. I'll listen if you want to tell me."

I reached up and took Harvey's hand. I didn't remove it, just leaned into it. I don't know why it brought me the comfort it did, but I couldn't shake it off.

Harvey reeled on the inside as his face heated up. His tail flicked wildly as his heart hammered in his chest. No, he needed to be here for Grace, to listen to her. He couldn't let himself get distracted.

"I don't think, I've told anyone about the clan I grew up in, not when it comes to things like this anyway."

Harvey waited, his heartbeat still betraying him.

"We were raised differently overall... but for this case—in the case of relationships— they couldn't be so one sided and not fail." I took a breath and continued. "I didn't have much experience there, but that was a common sense thing."

I tried to get to the point, but I also reminded myself that there was no need to rush. "Partners were expected to treasure each other. We are taught that that is right and to take advantage of them is wrong. To use others is wrong. I was apologizing because I made all the decisions without asking you, and in my culture, that is considered wrong."

Harvey listened, unable to picture the kind of place. "That sounds like a wonderful place."

I chuckled cynically. "I'm sorry, but it's not. Not a lot of people do the right thing and I just thought I was above them." But it turns out, I could be a hypocrite too. Even now, I'm stroking my own ego to feel better about this. This apology was more for me than Harvey. How kind of me.

"Grace," Harvey said softly. The look in Grace's eyes was not a good one. "I think, whether it's the human clan or any of the others, doing what we consider the 'right thing' is not always easy." Harvey was guilty too. He'd heard Grace's whispers of apologies while he was healing, but he let himself be happy that she cared instead of finding the source of her unease. To him that was 'wrong'.