B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

16. Not Working

I patched up Harvey to the best of my poor abilities. I shaved the fur away from the wounds and cleansed them. Harvey had taught me before which herbs to grind together for this paste, so I did and applied it.

He didn't respond which made me think things were worse than they were. Shuu insisted that Harvey wasn't stirring because he'd burned up his energy to gain the stripe, not because the wounds were terrible.

I didn't have much other choice than to believe him. But that didn't stop me from sending for an ape healer. I had two crystals left and one would be used now. Muir looked like I fed him a lemon, but he went to get a healer.

Shuu was suppressing a smile that I ignored. He didn't seem like he was one to relish the misery of others, so I'm sure he's idolizing me in some way again.

Grace wasn't wrong. Shuu found it serene that Grace cared so much for her males. He couldn't help but envision her caring for him should something happen. But he also didn't want her to look so defeated...

The healer did come and looked over Harvey. With a disgruntled expression, the healer placed his hands on him. After several minutes, he said that Harvey had muscle tears that will take some time to heal in addition to bites and cuts that won't take as long. He checked over my work and gave it a slow nod of approval. He was adamant that nothing more needed to be done and that Harvey would heal.

I wasn't satisfied, but I understood that I wasn't getting anything else from someone who grew up in a culture that only went above and beyond for females. The ape refused the crystal when I tried to pay.

"The valued guest of the ape king does not need to pay," he said before leaving.

Wow. I didn't know I had a free healthcare bonus. That's reassuring.

With the healer gone, I sat by Harvey's side. Shuu left to hunt while Muir cleaned up the mess left behind from Harvey's treatment.

I watched the leopard's steady breathing as his sides rose and fell. I was not broken by this, but I was upset that it happened. My heart ached and my mind dug its grave with regretful thoughts.

Was I wrong? Had making Harvey wait been the wrong choice? It had, hadn't it...

It wouldn't have stopped this from happening—I wasn't that conceited—but what if... what if Harvey had died today without knowing a mate bond?

That was the only gift I could give—the only real thing I could offer without difficult—so why did I make a dangerous exception for Harvey? All so he could be closer to my heart? Was I really betting on strong feelings developing between us?

...My feelings were too unreliable. And I was careless. Foolish too. It was okay to be optimistic, but not if it made me make avoidable mistakes.

My hands tightened into fists. I had to try not to blame myself for this. I knew better. This was just the way this shitty world worked. No males's life was treated valuably and this kind of thing wasn't unusual.

But this was Harvey, not a stranger. He was a male who was going to be my mate. One who was sweet and gentle, but firm and knowledgable.

...I had to do something, something that would protect him. And protect the others, but how?

I unclenched my fists and stroked Harvey's head. "I'm sorry, Harvey." I knew I didn't make those wolves attack him, and that it wasn't my fault, but the apology came anyway. "You'll be okay. You'll heal and we can talk over tea and tend to the garden..."

I murmured a one-sided conversation of plans and promises. The tears that threatened to fall from my eyes, were blinked away.

Harvey will be fine. I kept telling myself until I believed it.

Harvey did not wake up for a full day. While he remained unconscious, I fiddled with my bonds. I was worried my feeling might be picked up by Winston and didn't want him to worry.

Since I wasn't the clearest on how the bonds worked, I grew concerned that my poking and prodding at the intangible thread that tied us together may do more harm than good. But in the name of trying, I pushed those worries away and attempted to send calming vibes across it. I practiced with Muir and Shuu too.

"I can feel it," confirmed Shuu. "But I don't know what it is exactly."

Hmm. "Does it seem good or bad?"

Shuu cocked his head and thought about it. "Neither. But I like it. It feels like we are closer," he said warmly.

I scratched my head and nodded. "That's good then." It wasn't exactly what I was going for, but that's okay. As long as it doesn't get them worked up or concerned.

I thought about the answer to my own question when I could. I couldn't come up with a one and done solution, but I had some ideas that bounced around in my head.

I could sit down with the guys and see if they'd be willing to team up. I knew they wouldn't like that and didn't want Harvey to feel bad about it. It wasn't practical either, but we weren't hurting for resources right now. So maybe...

The next option was to call in that favor to the ape king. I hate to say it sounded like a waste, because it wasn't, it just felt like I should be able to come up with something else without using my golden favor up. If I did call in that debt, I could ask him to spread the word that my males shouldn't be touched. It wasn't a guarantee even with the ape king's assistance, so I really wasn't feeling good about it.

The third thing I could try, is parading around the city with my males, showing them excessive affection while the public watched. I'd have to be loud and theatrical about me hating anyone who would hurt them. I could also do what I did with Rosa and try to express fury over what happened.

...Wait. Would that work? Or something close? What if I hunted down those wolves and made an example of them? I know Shuu was going to do something like that anyway, but what if I made a huge scene out of it?

The idea sat uneasily in the pit of my stomach. I think the masses would respond better to fear tactics, but how was I supposed to do that? Did I have that kind of resolve or backbone? Forget guts, I needed nerves of steel.

I chewed on my lip until it hurt. Building a reputation was the thing I could do on my own, but which kind do I want? Being the lovey dovey kind might do more harm than good with too many beastmen eager to give in to their jealously. So, that left being the possessive bitch type. Did I not have a better option?

I ran the ideas back and forth again, knowing I probably missed a better solution. Taking more mates was an idea I had, but it wouldn't solve the actual problem, so that's vetoed. Running off to live somewhere else right now in hopes of the locals being more reasonable was illogical and not realistic.

Making myself 'ugly' was not something I wanted to do, so I won't. There was no guarantee that would keep all the males away anyway.

...Then again, none of these options had any kind of guarantee. I will have to try whatever I can until something works. But first, I need to think about how to give off the selfish queen vibe I need to make my persona come off as believable.

Considering how the ape king has seen me behave normally, I can't go too overboard. But how I acted with Rosa should not be a stretch.

So, possessive... I need to be possessive.

I started with some mental prompts in an attempt to get into character.

What's mine is mine and nobody else is allowed to touch. Anyone who does is my enemy. And enemies should be taken care of. They should be permanently removed or have their fangs and claws removed... because they went after what is mine.

I need to know their motives and goals. That's how I can take their weapons away and crush their spirits. And when others see how trampled on they became, they'll think twice about messing with me and mine.

...Well, I think I'm going to become that mean person I thought I wasn't. Goes to show that cruelty can come from anyone, including myself.