B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

36. Communicate

Mitchell didn't come back, and Winston was trying his best with Shuu to put the dresser back together. It was a sad sight that made me feel like crying again, so I stayed away to look less irrational.

I sat with Harvey for most of the day having a therapy session of sorts. Harvey was a good listener who was able to offer sound advice. Some of it was brutal, but very down to earth.

But I didn't want to threaten Mitchell's bond or life.

I've never had a heart-to-heart with Mitchell and hadn't planned to, but if we were going to try and make this work, I need to talk to him somehow. Let him know what I was really thinking and feeling. Assuming he came back...

A quick check of the bond told me he was very upset, but hadn't gone too far. Maybe this is something we can fix.

I also took the opportunity to talk about the snake I ki-... I couldn't say it, and Harvey was sensitive enough to realize I was avoiding the k-word and d-word. I listened to his advice, which was mostly reassurances that I did nothing wrong, while trying feel those words.

Maybe it was too soon after, or maybe I simply wasn't ready, but I couldn't move on immediately. No matter what anyone said or how it was rationalized, I took a life, and I had to carry that now.

Acknowledging that somehow made it easier for me. I didn't need forgiveness for it, not when the victim's corpse was still fresh. In fact, I'd rather not have the forgiveness. Because I would choose to fight back if it happened again, and another death would be on me.

If I wanted to avoid it, I needed to rely on my own strength instead of the bonds or learn to control that excessive strength. I asked Harvey about it with some hesitation. I was really dumping a lot on him, but I couldn't seem to stop.

"The protections act when you are desperate. I'm not sure it can be controlled. I'm sorry, Grace."

"Don't be. I'd rather hear the truth." I don't want to waste time trying something that is almost certain to fail. Not when a more reliable option is within reach anyway. "Thank you, Harvey. For listening and being there for me."

Harvey smiled as the words lit up his heart. It brought him so much joy to be able to provide for Grace in this way.

"I am your mate. I will help you in any way I can." More than anything, he was glad she didn't keep her feelings locked away in her heart.

'Death is a natural thing to us, but it's not for Grace,' he thought. Not that Harvey cared for death himself. As a healer, he did everything he could to prevent it, but he could accept when it did happen.

I know I had other things to be doing than talking about this, like getting back on the Mitchell subject, but it came out anyway. Harvey had a way of finding the boxes that I stashed away. And with Harvey, I didn't mind opening those boxes so much as I used to.

Once my mind was calm, I talked to Winston and Shuu. I've always been very firm on the no-violence doctrine I set for my family. I was scared that if I allowed exceptions, it would happen more often than not.

I was able to convey that to the two of them, and between the three males, they were able to convince me that the violence wasn't a great evil while smoothly agreeing not to do it. I saw what Winston and Shuu were doing, but I didn't call them out.

Now, I didn't really think it was an irredeemable sin or anything so dramatic, I just personally hated it. I wasn't going to spew nonsense about right or wrongs anymore, instead, I'll embrace the fact that I simply hate it.

But Winston and Shuu believed it was dangerous to leave males like Mitchell unchecked. Mitchell's only discipline came from physical punishment, and that was a universally accepted practice.