B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

25. Lighter

It had bee a while since I cried that hard. After I had my second breakdown in the City of Flame, I promised that I wouldn't do it again. But I should've known that there are some promises that can't be kept. This being one of them.

I had a nice, long nap but didn't get up immediately after waking. I was no longer upset. If anything, I felt emptier. Not exactly in a bad way.

I couldn't even locate the emotions I needed to pack back away; not immediately anyhow. 

I had to manage them quickly so I wouldn't fall down into the hole again. At least, that was how it used to be. Back when I felt cornered with no way out.

But here? Things were different, and I didn't have to hold everything back.

There were naturally some struggles that couldn't be so easily conquered, like the grief and anger at my inability to return to earth. But more so, there were things that could be addressed. I could start tackling some of these emotional burdens now and release them a little bit at a time.

I hadn't planned to ask for more accommodation from my mates. I thought things were fair enough. But talking to Harvey made me realize just how much specific issues bothered me, along with the release his validation gave me. The moment of inflection and Harvey's kind words helped lift some weight off my mind.

It wasn't like I could immediately trust others just because I acknowledged that I hadn't been doing that before. But if I know there is a problem, I can start working on a solution.

...But with trust, there is no forcing it. I'll have to give that time while keeping an open mind. And that, I could do.

I took a deep breath and released it. I guess this is what people mean when they say they had a good cry. It's the first time I haven't felt worse afterward.

Muir knew Grace was awake, but did not call out to her. He waited patiently, still thinking about what he heard earlier. He did not know what to think of most of it, but he did know that it bothered Grace deeply now.

Muir felt he had done good with avoiding fights and being cautious about training Harvey away from Grace. It obviously bothered her a lot, but he did not understand why she felt guilty over her wants. But like Harvey, he never thought in terms of right or wrong. Results were what mattered to Muir.

"Muir?"

Muir stiffened and peered down at Grace from his seated position. "Yes?"

"You heard us?"

"...Yes."

I figured as much. "How do you feel about it?"

Muir's contemplative expression softened. "I think you should do want you want to. I'll listen."

"...Even if it goes against what you grew up learning?"

Muir cocked his head. "I like the unique things you do." The way she thinks and acts always peaks his interests. And for him, her acknowledgment and affections will always be more important. She could hurt others or be selfish and Muir wouldn't mind. Not so long as she kept him so comfortably by her side.

I chuckled. "That's a nice way of putting it."

I don't think he was holding out on me, but I need to ask something. "If I ever asked you to do something you weren't comfortable with, what would you do?"

Muir did not hesitate. "I would do it. Anything for you is not uncomfortable."

"...If it was to kill a king?"