B+Bs: To Stand In A Beast's World

50. Climax

While the fight was ongoing, I meditated. The spirit-walking, as I have now dubbed it, only happens when I sleep. But I wanted to believe that I could find a way around it.

Meditation, like always, did not prove to be especially helpful. But self-suggestion was. I laid down that night thinking of Mitchell and Winston, hoping to see through their eyes if only for a moment.

I did dream of Mitchell, but I didn't receive much. He was moving, which told me he was still alive. Like before, I attempted to call out to him through the bond. Unfortunately, he was in his beast form, so I could not understand him even if he spoke. He did, however, stop moving.

Coincidence or not?

The dream did not last long since I woke up to pee. How was it that I slept for a full day yesterday and didn't get up once, but tonight I've had to get up twice already to use the outhouse?

I poked my belly. "Are you two stepping on my bladder?" I naturally received no response. I swear there were times when I could feel them kick, but every time I tried to feel for it, they stilled. Were they shy?

I went back to sleep, focusing hard on Winston this time. I was able to see him speaking with the leopard king and hear St. Zachary's progress. Unfortunately, I also heard the casualty count so far.

It was scary how quickly 600 lives were lost. I couldn't even console myself by looking at what was gained. It was just sad. And a part of me couldn't help the guilt I felt towards the loss of life.

I still knew that it wasn't my fault, but my illogical emotions wanted to insist on it. I originally planned to run, to get as far away as I could, but my guilt anchored me in place. That, and the chance to be rid of him nagged in the back of my mind.

St. Zachary has killed too many for the sake of his blindly selfish goals. If all he wanted was happiness by remaining by the side of his beloved, he should've taken any of the females that he'd already seen.

But he didn't because he is greedy. He wanted a strong body that he didn't have to work on. He wanted to remain at the top of the food chain and placed that above reviving his mate. And what's stopping him from killing his mate's new host body when he hasn't learned how to control his strength? For someone who has lived as long as he has, he makes such critical oversights.

Despite everything I just thought over, I would absolutely flee if it came to that. And with Curtis here, that should be a lot easier to do.

It might be cowardly, but life was only worth living if you had a life to live. I also have to take some level of responsibility for my mates. I took them in knowing they'd risk their lives to protect mine. If I got captured, they would rescue me or die trying.

Then there were the cubs I had to live for...

Once again, my emotions and logic waged a small war. But I did not let the emotions win. Logic did.

...

When news of St. Zachary reaching the city got to us, Shuu already had a rucksack of essentials packed and ready for takeoff.

I strummed the bond I had with Muir for the hundredth time since St. Zachary's march was made known to me. I could tell Muir was much closer than before. I'm glad to know I succeeded with my SOS signal.

I checked Mitchell's too and found him closer than expected, but not so close that he would make it for this battle.

I glanced outside to see two flyers doing their rounds.

The weakest of flyers were stationed along the route from the city to the surrounding villages to pass messages along without wasting fighting power. It was thanks to them that we received frequent updates that only lagged an hour to two behind real-time events.