love, lupin

thirty-six

December 5th, 1976
Sunday

"Remus you have to be completely sure." Snape repeated for what felt like the 50th time and Remus just stared at his nails, bored at a repeat of the question.

Snape seemed reluctant in continuing the lessons, especially after the show of passing out he gave in the Great Hall the night before. He understood. Remus had told Snape about the warning from Pomfrey and as well as not wanting to really hurt Remus, Snape didn't want to get in trouble for causing permanent damage. He'd be in so much danger.

And that wouldn't be from just the school or the Ministry. If it was the case that Remus' whole mental capabilities were damaged, if the Dark Lord were to find out who it was that caused it they'd be dead.

"For the last time Snape, I am sure." Remus told him and he looked up as the pacing stopped. Itbwas already half six and the way Remus saw it was that Snape was wasting time. Time they didn't have, "Can we just get on with it."

"Yeah. Black will be here for you at nine?"
"Yep."

"Alright." Snape answered and lifted his wand.

- - -

"That was the last one." Snape said as he placed his wand down and Remus lifted his arms and stretched. He felt great, "I think I might have cracked a wall last time."

Remus looked at him curiously.
"What?" He asked and Snape sat beside him and he'd never looked so guilty before as he stared at the wall ahead.
"On Friday when we were starting out,, I was digging for memories deeper down so you'd have an idea of what it was like and there was this like- this well- well a wall. It wasn't like aany wall I'd ever seen in someones mind. Wasn't anything to do with an Obliviate spell or you'd lost your memory somehow. The memory was still there just blocked off."

"Is there a point to this?" Remus asked and Snape nodded and finally looked at him and he looked scared. Scared to be admitting this to Remus.

Sometimes with how blunt Snape was, Remus forgot that he too was wary in the werewolfa presence. Especially now with all he'd already uncovered and the suspense of what he still had to pry into.

"Go on." Remus urged reassuringly and Snape flexed his hands and took a deep breath.

"You have to remember that this was an accident okay? I thought it was simply a wall you'd managed to put up to divert me from the memory, but it didn't have that same pull nor did another memory come to distract me. So I pushed." Snape noted that Remus look absolutely confused and grunted in frustration as he swiped his wand up and with a lingering Lumos spell drew a box.
" A wall in your mind is literally a wall, a solid bit of area that is protecting something, shielding it or simply saying no. There are walls for all sorts of memory stuff like Obliviate and natural memory loss, ive seen stuff like that plenty but this was different. So I was ultimately curious as to why." Snape explained as his hand shook anxiously as he began to draw a jagged line across the wall, "So i pushed at it, and it was strong but it gave away slightly but as I managed to crack it,"

Remus eyed the jagged line in the light before he waved it away, understanding now.

"you yelled and I knew something wasn't right so I pulled out of it. It was from that point you started getting dizzy and sick and all sorts."

"Oh."

"I thought I'd come clean about it. I should have come out and asked permission to push at it before I did it. But I didn't and for that I apologise." Snape looked away again and his eyes were shut in anticipation.

Remus stared at him a little show. He had known Snape was indirectly the cause of all the problems yesterday but knowing that he was directly responsible changed things. But as he said it was an accident, he didn't mean to hurt Remus. He was just curious ans that was justifiable.