love, lupin

fifty

January 21st, 1977
Friday

Remus had many bad days throughout his life. He had an endless supply really.

The day he got bitten.

The first time he was hit with the cruciatus curse.

When he watched his Uncle Mick die.

Every other time he'd been hit with the cruciatus curse.

The day he attacked Wilbur Smith.

The day following the attack on Wilbur Smith.

And so many more.

So Remus thought he was rather immune to the effects of a bad day by now. He'd been through the works since he was four.

But alot of that was physical pain, tge days where it wasn't were muted and he felt nothing but today killed a little bit of him. A bit of his very being broke off and Remus didn't think he'd ever get it back.

"Evan how- how could you-" Remus was crying again but he didn't care this time, it may not have felt good on him physically but he relished at the panic and fear in Evans eyes. He forgot how great it felt having someone fear you like that.

It wasn't the fear Evan exhibited when they'd all been worried about Remus snapping, it was the fear that Remus hadn't seen off of him since the first New Generation meeting, when Remus had bared his teeth to win the duel.

A fear that contained twinges of regret. But Remus didn't have to smell it to know alongside the regret was also dread. An unmistakable dread that Remus found himself drinking up greedily.

But alongside the relish he was feeling was the hurt and the pain of a betrayal he'd never quite experienced before now. It ripped at his chest and his stomach and his brain. A betrayal that made him want to shrink and shrink until he was nothing.

It was a betrayal that made him so unbelievably and utterly embarrassed to have ever let himself trust Evan Rosier.

Barty sat on Evans bed, not saying a word with a pillow over his lap. He seemed torn by it all for his own reason, torn and upset but there was no guilt in him at all.

"Remus, you have to let me explain." Evan pressed out, hands shaking as they reached out for Remus and Remus took a step back and out of his reach, letting out a stiff laugh as he did.
"There really isn't anything to explain Evan, you're lying scum." He spat and wiped at his cheeks, it was getting uncomfortable, "You swore to me that there was nothing between you both anymore. You kissed me and swore it."

He thought that he and Evan worked like bread and butter.

But Remus couldn't say he didn't see this coming because the signs were there. He just ignored them. What Evan and Barty hsd before Remus came along had never left and Remus felt as if he'd been used to pass the time.

"Remus, there's more to it then you think-"
"More to it?" Remus yelled, swiping a crazed arm through the air and Evan backed up, flinching, "How is there more to it? How is it anymore then you telling me you have no more feelings for Crouch and then I walk in and find you both with your tounges down eachothers throats and your hand down his pants?" He yelled and he brought his hands up to his head, holding it as the pounding worsened.

"Remus, we- we-" Evan struggled to find a defence, and Remus just stared at him, waiting, "We aren't exclusive, we never have been."

Remus felt like his whole heart strain.

"Oh for fucks sake." Remus cried,
"We aren't!" He yelled and Remus looked at him with a livid stare,
"Oh fuck me Evan, I know we never stated it but forgive me for thinking you'd mention it if you wanted to see other poeple aswell, that you'd tell me if you still had feelings for him." His arm jabbed dangerously in Barty's direction, "You told me that there was nothing between the pair of you, that you didn't like him like this anymore. And then you go spouting about how we weren't exclusive when you specifically stated no Barty."