love, lupin

seventy-seven

A/N
im back on my writing game. im. writing chapter eighty atm, gonna finish it off on the bus to college prolly :D
i alos forgot i made Remus smoke and then completey dropped it? I forgot. I forget alot of the stuff ive written so i think when iys finished I'll need to read the fic myself and write down evey little detail to link them
so much work
and then I'll start on those spin off fics yayayayayayy
anyway, enjoy!

May 14th 1977
Saturday

It was just him and James again. On the stone bench outside of Dumbledores office waiting to be called in to the Hogs Head.

Remus knew it wasn't the whole order this time. But he wasn't sure what to expect.

A detention was their excuse. Multiple detentions.

"Remus, I have a question. It may be a little personal." James admitted,
"I think we're a little past personal at this point don't you think?" Remus laughed, staring down at his hands.

James chuckled lightly,
"Thats true." his tone went dead at the end and Remus looked at him, "this i something a little more personal then your mark or your upbringing."

Remus smiled slightly and he sat back, hia head tipping back as hw leant against the wall.

"I knew this was coming." He said and his hands clasped together and he felt himself sweat, he could feel his heart hammering in his chest and it hurt, "This is about Tully."

"Tully." James repeated, "how'd you know?"

"I was conscious when you scrambled through ny memories. I saw everything you saw James." Remus told him.
"Right. So..what happened?" James asked and Remus was quiet for a moment, thinking. He tried to remember.
"I don't know. I'm not even sure if Tully is actually dead like they've been telling me. I'm inclined to believe it because i don't have the memory but I don't know." Remus admitted,
"I can try -"
"I don't think I want to know. If it turns out he is actually dead, confirmed, that I- that I- well." Remus took a deep breath. "I couldn't live with myself. Im struggling more that it seems with Jack's death, you don't understand the toll of killing someone takes on you James. You don't."

James nodded along,
"So..you have no idea what happened?"
"Not confirmed but Fenrir gave me an idea." Remus told him and a hand slipped to his side where there were deep punctures in his side from Fenrir claws, "Apparently I snapped and clawed his guts out."
"Oh god- Remus-"
"While he screamed for me to stop. He screamed and scratched and cried and I didn't care." Remus said and a wave of nausea hit him, "allegedly anyway."

"Tully was your..brother?" James asked and Remus nodded,
"In the sense that we'd both been turned by Harlow." Remus informed,
"It wasn't Greyback who bit you?"
"No. But he orchestrated it. You saw the memory."
"right."

"Sorry I don't have a story to tell about it. Sometimes I wish I did but I feel im better off not knowing." Remus said and James smiled at him and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Please don't tell Sirius."
"he deserves to know."
"No. James he doesn't need to know that I killed a kid" Remus snapped,
"You were a kid also."
"My age doesn't change anything. By that age I was in training for the New Generation."
"How old were you?"
"Nine."
"Fucking hell mate."
"Tell me about it."

They fell into a silence that was soon disrupted by shifting stone.

When they got upstairs, the office was empty and James didn't even acknowledge it as he walked towards the fireplace.

"What am I to expect this time?" Remus asked and James shrugged,
"Its a surprise."

And a surprise it was.