love, lupin

thirty-eight

December 21st, 1976
Tuesday

Remus rubbed at his temples as he stepped off of the carriages, not sparing a glance at the Thestrals who stomped and cried.
"God I'm so tired."
"You're tired? I was stuck in the bathroom till gone four in the fucking morning. You both forgot about me!" Barty complained and Remus rolled his eyes in annoyance,
"Merlin Crouch, we already apologised. Ten times. "

"Besides, the door wasn't locked. You could have come out whenever." Evan added as he stretched and leaned into Regulus who he had his arm wrapped around.

"Well, I'm all well rested." Regulus grumbled and Jack bounced off the carriage,
"As am I. I don't think I've ever slept greater."
"Good for you Jack." Barty groaned and they all walked up the steps to the station.

"Come on then." Barty stepped onto the train and they all moved towards the train except Remus. "Well why aren't you getting on?"

Remus smiled at them all,
"I head into Hogsmeade, get picked up from there. Did I never tell you lot?"
"No, but it makes sense since we couldn't find you on the train in September."
"You tried to find me?"
"Well of course." Evan answered and Remus smiled at them, shoving his hands into the hoodie he still hadn't changed out of.

"I probably would have walked out if you found me."

They all laughed at that, Remus just smiled. He quite liked smiling.

"So we won't see you till the 26th?"Jack asked and Remus nodded.
"Sounds about right." Remus answered, "Then every second day until we come back."

Jack groaned and Barty took her hand and pulled her up onto the train steps to where she leaned into him with her head on his chest as she stared out at the three still on the platform.

"You can make them all Crouch?" Remus asked and Barty gave him a mocking grin with a salute,
"Each one Captain."

"Amazing, well you should all go find a gooe compartment the lot of you. Its a long train ride." Remus raised a fist towards Evan who pumped it gently before he and Regulus turned and climbed on board.

Remus' smile crumpled away as he felt the pounding in his head get stronger for a few moments and pressed a palm to his head at the sudden moments of intense pain but he snapped out of it as a loud knocking.

He looked up and saw Evan at a window grinning and waving. Remus smiled back at him and laughed as he was pushed out of the way and Jack pressed her face to the glass with a wave.

"Hey Greyback, not boarding?"

Remus turned his head as Sirius Black walked up to him and waved his two friends ahead and into the train. Potter glanced back with a disapproving look.

"I get picked up from the village so no need." Remus told him and Black nodded gently before he held out a bundle of grey fabric.

"Well, better give this to you now then. Was going to hand it back on the train but since you're not getting on.." He pursed his lips and Remus threw the jumper over his shoulder and nodded.
"Thanks Black." He answered and they were both silent for a moment before Remus' eyes opened in recognition.

"Oh, you want yours back. Here-" Remus went to pull his arm out of one of the sleeves when a cold hand pressed onto his and he looked up as a static shock ran through him. He had never snatched his hand away so aggressively.
"No, it's fine. Keep it. You wear it much more then I did." Black told him and Remus slipped his hand back into the sleeve, eye wary, "Take it as a Christmas present."

Remus' brows lifted in surprised and he offered a mere smile before he offered his hand out. Black took it and shook it.

"See you in the new year Black."
"See you Greyback, have a good one."

Black turned around and Remus looked back at the window where they were all watching curiously. Remus just shrugged and he yawned.

He offered a wave to them all before he turned on his heel and descended the steps to the station and began the short walk into the village.

There was a little house in the village, one that the Greybacks had owned for generations. Inside was an active portkey, just the active portkey which would take you to the real home of the Greybacks. They lived in a dingy, slum like area that Remus had learned to call home.

His hands shook as he reached for the portkey and they continued to shake as he arrived in the living room of his home.

He glanced around the dingy room, lit by dying lamps and decorated with dirt filled and dust caked furniture that was falling apart. He would never let any of his friends come here, never and he would especially never let them see his room.

"Oh Remus, its so good to have you back." A feminine voice cooed and he felt thin arms wrap around him.
"Its good to be back." He looked downat her as she grabbed his chin with gentle hands and observed his face. Harlow seemed thinner then before school.
"No new scars I see, that's wonderful."

"Stop coddling the boy Harlow. He's not a child." Fenrir's rough voice cut through them both and the woman stepped back and Remus straightened his back and turned to Fenrir who was sat on the couch with an always so angry expression.

"I trust you've behaved." He stated and Remus nodded, he felt as angry as Fenrir looked and he still didn't know why. He hated not knowing why.
"Yes sir." He felt the urge to attack him, he felt every itch he felt on a full moon when he saw prey.

He saw a flash of a scene infront of him, his hands wrapped around Fenrir's neck, claws buried deep into his neck as he wasn't moving. Wasn't breathing.
Remus felt a rippled of relief for a moment before he snapped out of it.

"Good. You have tonight to rest and then tomorrow we'll look through your memories and continue your training. Your time at Hogwarts always makes you weak."
"Yes sir." Claws threaten to flash and he really wanted to just pounce and slice his throat open like his mind had just conjured for him but he knew he wouldn't reach Fenrir before he realised.
"Go to your room."
"Yes-" Fenrir may have been big and lumbersome but unlike Remus and Harlow, he was always half wolf and that made him quick. He could probably smell the anger on Remus at that moment.
"Shut Up!" Fenrir yelled and Remus barely contained a flinch as he turned to the door, "And take off that ridiculous jumper."

"Dinners at seven Remus." Harlow told him as she passed and Remus nodded before he left the room and silently climbed the stairs and pushed open the door to his room.

He hated this room. This room was the worst of him. From the walls covered in scratches and blood stains, to the sad excuse for a bed in the corner. This was everything he hated about this life boxed into an odd shaped rhombus.

He dropped his school jumper onto the stool in the corner and fell back onto his bed.

He'd never really hated it before now though. He'd disliked it but he'd never really hated it.

He laid down and pulled the hood over his head before curling in on himself and bracing his arms on his head as he tried to ease the pain. The only thing on him reminiscent of Hogwarts was his wand and the permanently charmed on smell of seawater and smoke.

He forced himself to sleep because if he didn't calm down he was going to get himself killed.

He dreamed of different ways to kill Fenrir.