love, lupin

seventy-two

April 19th, 1977
Tuesday

Arithmancy was very empty without Jack. Lily had permanently taken up the space where Jack would sit even before Easter but she would usually be on the table beside them. Yapping and yapping in Remus' ear.

Her seat stayed empty and Remus couldn't even bare to look up from the table.

Guilt and grievance.

A hand landed on his back with a ghost like touch and be felt a hot breath on his cheek.

"Remus...are you okay?"

No.

He sat up and smiled.

"Of course, I'm just tired."

Lily was not convinced.

"Remus can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"What happened between you and Sirus?"

Oh.

Remus averted his eyes to the notebook infront of him, the beginning of a very terrible sketch that somehow Lily had managed to realise was meant to be Sirius.

Remus wasn't sure how to answer that.

"Uhm," Remus scratched his arm, "we got into an argument."
"About?"

Remus still didnt look at her as he took his quill and dragged a sharpline to mask Sirius' jaw.

"Stuff."
"Stuff?"
"You know.."
"I don't actually."
"Look, Lily. I lied to him about something important. Well I didn't lie, I just kept it from him. And I done something irreversible."

Buzz. Remus wasn't sure if he actually felt the buzz or he imagined it.

"What was it?"
"It's personal."

"Right. Well Sirius just told me you both had an argument over Rosier"

Remus blinked and looked at her.

"He did?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
"So one, or both of you are lying."

Remus looked away.

"Look you don't have to tell me but you're evidently both distraught about it." Lily said, "and you need to talk it out."
"I don't think this is a...talk it out kind of thing."
"Just try."

So later that day Remus did try.

He caught Sirius on the way to dinner and he heard his heart rate spike immediately from contact with Remus. Remus pulled away so abruptly it gave the impression he'd been electric shocked. .
"Can we talk?"  Remus asked and Sirius' glare cut through him, eyes livid and lips pulled back into a sneer. He tried to dismiss Remus.
"We have nothing-"
"Please?"

Sirius hesitated but after a few moments of staring- glaring at Remus' pleading expression he gave in. Remus could have cried.

"You have five minutes."

Remus very quickly fell silent. Everything he'd rehearsed slipped from his mind and he stared blankly.

A minute in.

"So..?" Sirius trailed, keeping his distance from Remus.

"You're still scared of me?" Remus asked and Sirius gave him a pitiful look which slowly shifted to an upset one.
"Yes im still scared of you Remus! I watched you kill- kill-"
"Please don't say it."
"Kill Jack."
Remus flinched,
"I didn't have a-"
"Then you tried to attack me. Me."
"I know, but Sirius-"
"So yes im going to still be scared of you."