love, lupin

fifty-one

January 22nd, 1977
Saturday

Realisation behind what happened hit Remus like a bus the next morning when he woke up.

He felt the dread of having to see Evan at breakfast. Him and Barty. He couldn't deal with either of them this morning. He didn't know if he would yell or cry or maybe both and he wanted to do none of them.

Remus did feel like he didn't deserve to be upset because yes it's true that they weren't exclusive at all, they hadn't even been together but they'd both implied it heavily. And the lies, Remus hated the lies.

He took his time getting dressed and even considered skipping breakfast until his stomach growled and gave him a pain.

He swung his bag full of revison onto his shoulder and already felt the unspoken changes in everything. Remus paused at the no Evan waiting outside of his room like he would on the usual weekend.

With a deep sigh he began the stroll to the Great Hall, he made sure to move slow. Breakfast ran longer on weekends so he hoped maybe they'd all left early but he kmew the likeliness of that was low.
His predictions were correct and he paused at the entrance of the hall. Barty, Evan, Regulus and Pandora were all sat at the Slytherin table, eating breakfast leisurely. It felt like a punch to the stomach when he saw the way Evan leant into Barty.

Then his eyes wandered from Regulus infront of him and he saw Remus. Then he sat up straight. Then Barty saw him and then Pandora and Regulus.

Remus stared at them for a moment before Pandora waved at him, beckoning him to come over quicker.

Remus didn't want to go over. That was the second change. He didn't want to sit with his friends at their usual spot on the table. He barely managed a wavy smile as he glanced around the fairly busy hall.
He saw Black at the Gryffindor table with Pettigrew and McKinnon, and he suddenly felt very conscious of the jumper he was wearing and it suddenly felt really hot in the room. Black hadn't seen him though.

He could walk over and ask to sit with him but considering that he kissed him yesterday that felt to awkward.

Remus Greyback felt awkward. Him at the start of the year would have laughed at him now, but then again him at the start of the year would have quite literally killed him now.

He turned towards the Slytherin table and began the walk of fame. His footsteps felt like slow motion as he neared his friends, Evan was the only one still watching him.
Then he spied Mark Spencers out of the corner of his eye and he grasped at the opportunity. His course changed and he walked up towards Spencers and Lewis.
"Hey," He started the conversation and both of them looked up at him warily.
"Hey." Spencers answered. Spencers was getting used to Remus' presence. They'd share words occasionally and enjoyed the same music but Lewis and him still failed to have conversed.
"Mind if I sit?" Remus asked and they both looked completely surprised at tge question but Spencers nodded whilst Lewis looked left at Remus' friends.
"Okay."

Remus smiled and sat down,
"Thanks. You don't have to talk but I just.."
"You dont need to say, that's fine." Remus felt a flush of relief at Spencers words, "Others may show a little later just to warn you."
"That's okay, I won't stay too long anyway."

Spencers and Lewis fell into whatever conversation they'd been having prior to Remus' interruption. The werewolf himself began to pick at the food before him before deciding on an ordinary bowl ot cornflakes.

His eyes travelled to where his friends sat and Barty was telling something to Evan who was staring at Remus with a gaze of desperation. Remus looked away.

He felt childish that he sat with other people, that he didn't face his problems head on but be needed to recuperate.

He needed to sort him emotions out, get them in line. And only then would he talk to Evan. To Barty.
As much of a dick Barty was he was the most empathetic he'd seen anyone ever be.

"Oh." He heard Jack from behind him and Remus turned his head to look at her, she was looking between Remus and the group and he waved her on.
"You can go sit Jack." Remus told her and she gave him a conflicted look before she turned and sat beside Remus.

"Jack Combey." She introduced herself with a handshake,
"Uhm Mark Spencers," He seemed confused but not against her being there, "This is my boy- best friend John Lewis." Spencers introduced and Jack shook Lewis' hand too. "We're Greybacks roommates."
"Great to meet you both, I'm one of Remus' bestest best friends." She slung an arm over his shoulder and Remus snorted a laugh and shook his head.

Breakfast was good.

Spencers friends did come and sit, they looked a bit hesitant with Remus there but they eventually sat down.

"So, Greyback," A rather boisterous looking Gryffindor who hadn't sat down and was just stood behind his friends spoke and Remus looked away from his conversation with Jack, "Attack anyone else?"
Remus choked on the cereal in his mouth and Jack had to thump him on the back.

"Charles Peck!" Lewis scolded, "You can't just ask that."
The Gryffindor, Peck, didn't seem much phased and held eye contact with Remus,
"We were all wondering it. End on January is six years since he savaged Wilbur, he was our friend remember?" Peck still held eye contact with Remus who was very aware of Jack goggling at him
"I haven't-"
"Charles, its been six years," Spencers brought up, "Besides, Wilbur was a bully, he kinda deserved it."

"He did not deserve to have lost a chunk of his arm." Peck snapped and Remus stood up, Peck backed up and Remus gripped the table hard,
"I haven't attacked anyone since Smith, but I can make you the next one Peck." Remus ground out, angry.
"Remus we're leaving." Jack tugged at his arm.
"He is the one that tried to get a rise out of me and I'm just giving him what he wants." Peck seemed regretful, but also proud.
"Remus let's go!" Jack yelled and Remus looked over at her, her hair now a deep blue.

Remus felt his muscles untense and he nodded.
"Okay."

He swiped up his bag and Peck slowly sat down.

"See what I was saying, he's still a fucking monster, has to he dragged away like a dog." He heard Peck tell the group and the only thing that stopped him from going back was Jack's nails digging into his arm.
"He was fine till you antagonised him Charlie." Dibbens defended and the Remus was out of earshot as Jack dragged him out of the hall.

"Where do you want to go?" Jack was referring to his bag and he looked down at it,
"Uhm, library." He told her and so she walked to the library with him. She sat with him and she studied with him.

It had just gone 1pm when one of them spoke,
"Why are you with me?" Remus asked her, his voice was hushed. Jack looked up from the book on magical beasts she was reading and gave him a puzzled look,
"What?"
"Why are you with me? And not the others?" Remus didn't mind that she stayed with him, he actually was thankful for it but she'd been closer with Barty then she hsd been with him so he assumed she'd stick with them.

"Oh." She blinked, "Well, Regulus told me what happened. He knew all of it because Evan went crying to him." Remus frowned at that, Evan had no reason to cry he was in the wrong, "Regulus told me about it and then I talked to Barty and he gave me a rundown of the whole thing pretty much word for word. And Captain," She looked up from her book, her expression absolutely furious, "What they done to you was wrong on so many levels, you've only just come to terms with yourself and- and-"

Jack was beginning to get so worked up about it Remus had to grab her wrists to get her to stop talking and she looked at him.

"It was unfair."
"I know Jack."
"They shouldn't have done that to you, they were supposed to be your friends, one of them were supposed to be more then your friend."

Remus let go of her wrists with a small smile.

"Thank you Jack."
"You may not think it but you really are one of my best friends Remus," She told him and he tilted his head to which she blushed and looked down, "I can hear your mocking thoughts so shut up."

"What about your whole thing with Barty?" Remus asked and Jack just shrugged,
"We had disclosed that we weren't exclusive so on my side im not bothered he was seeing Evan or whoever else but I sure as hell won't be letting him shove his disloyal, terrible, short ass, dick tasting tounge down my throat."

Remus laughed.