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Open Mic Night in the Wild East

*The whole crew decided to visit the new Wild East on the surface. The saloon was holding an open stage event and plenty of great acts had been lined up. The drinks were also half off for the whole day to celebrate the opening of the town.*

Dina: What can I get you, folks? Anythin' specific?

Hoth: Root beer for everyone except Uniqua. It will affect her the same way an adult soda will.

Dina: I've never met someone who couldn't handle root beer. We mainly serve that for the kids.

Mettaton: I suggest water for her. It's the safest option. Trust us, root beer will definitely reveal a side of her that may or may not be ideal for family night.

Uniqua: Guys, it's half off! I won't even go that crazy this time. I'll be fine. I can have a little root beer.

Hoth: I'm not dragging you out of trouble if you do anything stupid again. You tried to fight a statue during our New Year's Eve party and you lost.

Uniqua: That was then, Hoth. You see any statues here? I'm pretty sure I'd only challenge Undyne, Susie, or Kris to a fist fight if I was gonna be stupid.

Mettaton: Fine, get her one root beer. We'll just watch her closely to be safe.

Dina: Alright, I'll get those drinks ready.

Hoth: Thank you, miss!

Digger: Why did you talk us into getting you root beer?

Uniqua: I will need it for my stand-up comedy act. Gotta be real, relatable, and funny.

Hoth: You never said anything about that before we left.

Uniqua: Why else would I wanna come here on an open stage night? I wanna try my hoof at this.

Pixelle: Well, you should be going soon. I have taken a look at the line-up and you're next.

Uniqua: Y'all get to hear about the dumb things that happen at the mansion when you're not around.

Mettaton: That is slightly more concerning than you'd ever believe.

*A yellow reptilian monster with a star-shaped head and cowboy attire stepped onto the stage.*

Starlo: Howdy, everyone! I hope you're all having a great time here in the Wild East! Our next performer is looking to try stand-up comedy as it's a little out of her comfort zone. Please give a warm welcome to Queen Uniqua Trueblood, ruler of mystics!

*The crowd cheered as Uniqua made her way to the platform and climbed up to where Starlo was. The sheriff stepped down once she was ready.*

Uniqua: What up, Wild East! How's everybody doing tonight?

*There was another loud cheer from the crowd.*

Uniqua: Cool, good to know y'all are doing great. If you're in a bad mood, that's about to change. I can assure you I will change that. Unless you don't crack even once throughout this whole act because you're too tough. Yeah, I see some tough peeps here. I see you. Anyway, some of you might be wondering if I'm even a monster since I look human. Trust me, this is my natural hair color and the ears, horn, tail, and wings are real and it would hurt if you tried to remove them. So, I am a real unicorn mystic. No, you're not tripping. I can see some of you checking your drinks right now, thinking, "She'd better be real unless someone spiked this."

*She did earn a laugh with that joke.*

Uniqua: Now, I have a bit of a problem with this whole alcohol culture thing. You know how adult beverages are practically everywhere? I don't just mean bars, pubs, taverns, nightclubs, casinos, and other places that only allow people 21 and up with a valid ID in. We see these drinks in grocery and department stores and then they end up in our own homes if we buy them. I was raised in the opposite culture. Yeah, I grew up around alcoholics anonymous. That is part of the reason why I have a negative opinion on alcohol. But I understand and respect if it's done medically or moderately. It's only a problem if you consume an ungodly amount and you need a designated driver. It's only a problem if you can't see straight and your mouth can't keep up with the sounds coming out of it. And God forbid what comes out isn't offensive towards anyone in particular because you most likely would need a straw for your lunch the next day.