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Spamton's Birthday (Ep. 48)

Spamton: Hello? [Is Anyone There?] Now, this may just be the worst [SURPRISE EGGS] you could've planned.

Digger: Yeah, I don't see why they wanted to jump out for this. I kept telling them to keep it low-key, Spam.

Uniqua: Digger, shut up! You're gonna give us away!

Digger: As if your wings haven't already done that! We can see them clearly! They're not even closed!

*Uniqua closes her wings and tries to hide behind the corner better, but her horn sticks out.*

Uniqua: Is this any better?

Digger: No, we can see your horn. There's no point in hiding, guys. I told you we won't surprise him. Who's idea was it to hide?

Hoth: Blame Mettaton. He said he's jumping out of the cake again.

Uniqua: Something tells me that ain't gonna go the way he planned.

Pixelle: Trust us, Digger, we have warned him several times about the consequences of jumping out of Spamton's cake.

Digger: Where is he right now? I need to have a word with him about this. He should've learned after Uni's 17th birthday.

*Uniqua, Hoth, and Pixelle wheel out a large cake. Not all of it is real.*

Uniqua: The jig is up, Mett. She said no surprises.

Mettaton: We worked too hard on this. I'm getting his face on camera no matter what.

Digger: Seriously?

Uniqua: I think now's not a good time to tell you he's in a leotard and the zipper broke.

Digger: What? Why?

Uniqua: He ordered the wrong size and refused to return it in exchange for the right one. He thought he could still squeeze into it and that's how the zipper broke. Now, he definitely can't return it unless we get it fixed.

Digger: Can this be any worse?

Hoth: Well, at least Jevil isn't invited.

*Feint sounds of chaos can be heard in the background.*

Hoth: Dang it, who let him in?

Uniqua: I told Kris he wasn't allowed in. Susie was right next to him when I did.

Hoth: You told Kris Jevil had to stay out? That explains why he's here then.

Digger: You know what? It's all fine, guys. Let's just try to make this work out.

Mettaton: Just to be clear, I'm not staying in this cake the whole time?

Digger: No, you can come out.

Uniqua: Not a good idea. That leotard looks ridiculous.

Digger: He can't stay in there all day.

Uniqua: Grab a hoodie, Mett. Or something that covers more.

*While Mettaton climbs out of the cake and finds something to cover the leotard with, Digger pulls out the questions.*

Digger: Alright, we have some questions from Kai. We're gonna get started now. First off, "How are things going for you now, Spamton? Have you been making any sales?"

Spamton: Things are definitely looking [Up, Up, and Away]! Sales have been increasing recently and my [Mental Health Warmline] has been improving. I'd say life is [Good Deals]!

Hoth: Next question! "Of all people, why did you choose to stay with Digger? Are there any specific reasons?"

Spamton: Well, she's quite relatable and she needed the extra [Assistance] getting into a place in this [Economy]. I know finding the [Perfect Fit] can be difficult with [Rising Prices]. That's also why I chose to [Weight] until the [Market Crash] to get in on the [Action].

Digger: Yeah, we both needed a way to stay afloat. He does make a great roommate, honestly. He does spend a lot of time away mostly because he needs to be out there to make sales, which make up most of our income.

Spamton: Exactly!

Pixelle: Alright, onto the third question. "Any improvements on your dumpster home?"

Digger: Yeah, we've been getting plenty thanks to his brothers. They helped us get better appliances and teach us how to use them.

Spamton: They even [Upgraded] our living space! We have been getting so many [New Additions] to our home.

Digger: Just the other day, they put in a newer TV and helped us get better air conditioning.

Mettaton: Ah, so it's starting to become a modern dumpster home now?

Digger: It's getting there.

Mettaton: That's good!

Uniqua: Fourth question! "Are people trying to ship you and Digger together still?" I already feel called out.

Spamton: Well, there goes part of my [Response].

Digger: Unfortunately, there are people who still ship us.

Spamton: [Name: Uniqua] is one of them. Then, there's that [Expensive Rip-Off].

Mettaton: What?!

Uniqua: He just called you an expensive rip-off. Bro, I'm dead!

Mettaton: I'm not that expensive!

Uniqua: Tell that to the peeps who pay extra just to get vegan Glamburgers.

Mettaton: Vegan ingredients cost more!

Uniqua: All foods made for specific diets cost more than common alternatives. Remember when Hothead couldn't have gluten? That pasta cost more than normal spaghetti! Don't get me started on the almond milk, dude! Like, it's the same product! It's just made differently! Just make it the same price! You can still pay your workers and providers! It's not that big of a deal!

Hoth: Are you done ranting about the price of vegan, paleo, and keto foods?

Uniqua: Yeah, I said what needed to be said. I'm done.

Mettaton: Final question! "Have you ever had to use that old machine from the basement for anything? Pranks? Rescues?"

Spamton: I haven't had to use it for anything recently. There really hasn't been any [Reel] reason. Why would I need to get that [Hunk Of Junk] out if there's no [Level 9 Threat]?

Digger: Well, that was all of them. Thanks for reading!