ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴇɴ [ᴇɴ- ᴘᴏʟʏ]

Chapter 91

I was staring at my IV catheter. I never had to be admitted to a hospital before so this thing was new to me. I didn't remember the last time I was in front of a needle either. I slowly closed my palms to feel the ache in the dorsum of my hand. Feeling the pain at least gave me an external reason to cry. If I close my hand into a fist, would blood seep out of the insertion place?

Right then, the door opened and Jungwon entered the room. I had to fight the urge to gasp. He looked deathly pale. His eyes looked gaunt and tired. Somehow, he looked a lot thinner than he did just three days ago.

"Jungwon." I choked out.

He was at my side in a second. Even with how bad he looked, he still had a soft smile on his face. But it soon turned into panic.

"Baby, why are you crying?"

Are we done here? I want to go home.

This is what I wanted to say. But looking at his face, so sickly, so tired, it never passed from my mouth. I wanted to hug him and cry but truth be said, I should be angry at him too. He had stayed quiet the whole time when I had to hear all those things from Heeseung. And he might be in a bad shape physically. But what about me? I wanted to shrivel up in pain and not see any of them.

I turned away from him and moved back when he tried to touch my face. I did not look at him. Knowing how I'll immediately feel awful for withdrawing if I see his face.

"Are we done here? I want to go home" I said in a meek voice.

"Of course we are. We'll leave as soon as you're discharged." He said hastily. "Hyungs are just speaking to the doctor. We'll be home in no time."

"My real home." I said in a monotone.

"W-what?" He stammered in shock.

Right then, the door opened and I saw the rest of them come in. I felt myself wanting to recoil in distrust. And at the same time, I wanted to hug them and scold them for looking so goddamm miserable. When I saw Niki, I looked away from him and concentrated on the IV line. I wish I could rip this off of me like they show in the movies.

"Love, how are you feeling?"

I wiped off the tears from my eyes. I really wanted to scoff. He had the audacity to call me love after everything he did. Or more specifically, after doing nothing.

"I could've been way better." I snapped at him. "If only you had the balls to open your damn mouth back then."

Even from across the room, from this distance, I saw him jolt. Not just him, every one of them flinched. I knew I was harsh with my words. And I knew it affected Sunghoon to a great extent. And that brought me a weird satisfaction.

"Sweetheart, please, please listen-"

"To hell with your Sweetheart, Jay!" I interrupted him.

"What else am I supposed to listen to? Haven't I heard enough? I thought you cared about me. But looks like I was wrong."

I looked away from him and to the window to hold my tears back. I was tired of crying.

"No, no. You're wrong. I do care about you."

Jay was closer now. He strode forward and came to my side.

"How could you think I don't? I love you. So much that I can't put in words right now. You're the first girl I've genuinely loved all my life." He whispered.

For a second, I forgot how to breathe. He had said it to me. But in this hospital. At such a time, and in front of everyone. How cruel can God be to give me this gift at such a wrong time?