𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙵𝙴𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 [𝙴𝙽- 𝚁𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙼]

Chapter 37

I smiled and walked out of the room. Jay was sitting on the couch with Sunghoon and they seemed to be discussing something.

"Lee, we were just planning something for tomorrow." Jay told me.

"Is there any skate rink or ice rink or anything of that sort here?" Sunghoon asked me.

"Skate rink..." my zero information on tourist destinations was starting to show. "I'm not sure. But give me a second."

I thought about it for a moment and called Zeenat.

"Hey bro. Remember you kept pictures of skating somewhere...yep that one...can you tell me where it is?...so they built a whole new rink beside the snow world?...holy shit really?...ok thanks...ah yeah my cousins are already planning to go there so I just wanted to take a review...yeah take care...bye bye."

I cut the call and turned to Sunghoon excitedly.

"There is one. Both of them infact. The snow world here has a connected ice rink and the arcade across the street has a skate rink." I told him.

His eyes were shining after hearing me.
"Really? We'll go there tomorrow then." He said and clapped his hand.

"Come by 10 AM tomorrow." Jay said.

"Okay." I bounced in my place. Because I had never gone to the ice rink or such so I was really excited for it.

"I should leave now guys." I said and packed up my books that were still on the dining. I couldn't see anyone else around so I assumed they were in other rooms. Anyway I had to see them tomorrow so I just waved at the three boys in front of me and left. When I closed the door behind me, another door opened at the same time and Jungwon stepped out.

" You're leaving so soon? And without telling me?" He asked.

"Oh yes. I couldn't find you people so..." I drifted off. "See you tomorrow, Wonnie." I said and turned to walk away.

Jungwon grabbed my arm and turned me back around. I stumbled a bit and but he held on to my waist tightly and before I knew it, he kissed me hard. My hands automatically went to his neck. I was stiff at the start because it was so abrupt. But I slowly relaxed into him. I took his face between my hands and kissed him back. After what felt like a long time, I drew back first. I caressed his cheek as he closed his eyes.

"Why are you never alone? I was looking forward for us to be together like this but..." He huffed in annoyance.

"What can I say? Everyone likes me." I chuckle.

"I don't know about the rest. But I do." He said and gave me a chaste kiss. I was in shock so I didn't quite return it. When he drew back in confusion, I let him go and stepped back.

"I- I need to go now." I said and turned back. He called out to me but I did not turn back. What did he mean 'I do'? I was just joking around but his response was serious.

Everyone likes me

I do

Was that a confession he made unknowingly? It could be in the same sense that I meant. I didn't want to think otherwise. Yang Jungwon did not like me in that way. How could he? And most importantly, why would he? He meets idols daily. Even an average Korean or Japanese is prettier than me. It just doesn't make sense. I had nothing to offer him. And...he was going to leave soon. This thought made me sad but it made me believe that he did not like me. Because who would like someone they'll probably never see again? I was satisfied with my conclusion. Until I wasn't.

When I reached home, the absolute quiet pushed me back into the same thoughts. I had already concluded about Jungwon but there was something else too. Another big problem. I was growing attached to the boys. If I hadn't already. When I had agreed to give them a tour, I had made up my mind that it was out of a duty being an engene. They were my idols. And I really tried to treat them as such. But it had slowly become harder with each passing hour we had spent together. When Sunghoon had talked to me about Maknaes liking me, I was totally up for making them feel welcome as my friends. Or more like temporary friends. Because they were going to leave and they'd forget about me soon. And it would be only me left hurting by the loss. So for the first few times I had kept that in my mind and continued to be starstruck. But somewhere along the lines, I started considering them as my actual friend. And then things took turn for the worse when Jungwon kissed me.

Yang Jungwon from Enhypen became my first kiss.

I closed my eyes and laid down on the bed reliving that moment. I started to bask in their friendship, their closeness, their touch. Niki's protectiveness, Sunoo's hugs, silent glances from Jungwon, Jay's care, Jake's funny personality, Sunghoon's smile, and Heeseung's smirk. I was getting used to it now. It was slowly incorporated into my daily life and I would soon be wretched apart from the feeling.

Things had escalated more than I had intended them to. In every way possible in two cases.

Jungwon saying he wanted me. His scared eyes in the planetarium. Him peering up at me from my lap.

Heeseung calling me princess. His tousled hair. His groan when I tug at them or touch his face. That heated gaze which made me want to forget there are consequences to our actions.

It felt like I was going crazy. I had initially given in to both of them without a thought. But now it wasn't an innocent make-out with no feelings attached. I liked both of them. But the surprising thing was, I did not like the others any less. I could not choose Jungwon or Heeseung over others. It's just that things have escalated between us more than they did with others.

What does that mean now? Do I like all of them? All freaking seven of them? And that too when I can feel Jungwon and Heeseung won't be the only ones. I could imagine two more people who would soon follow suit. Then what?

My heart and mind already feel heavy because the guilt of kissing two boys at once was weighing down on me. Not to mention liking seven. When they advance towards me, should I let them? The girls in all those poly stories sure did. But I'm not them. And this was real world. I already felt as if I was cheating on Jungwon even though we weren't exclusively dating. And I had no hopes on that. Not with him, not heeseung or anyone for that matter. They were playing around and it would not be wrong for me to join the game. I could just hope that things would turn out for the best.

Whatever we have or might have, will be gone in a blink all too soon.  And I would feel their absence like a punch to the gut. I was already scared of not seeing them after that. Not seeing Sunoo's smile, not having Niki hovering over me to get a hug. In a normal circumstance, when I suspect a person leaving me, I try my best to not get attached and distance myself from them. But this wasn't a normal circumstance. I would probably regret my action of distancing them. So I decided to go with the flow of things. Whatever might happen between me and the boys, I'll go along with it and see where it takes me. I knew the boundaries where I needed to stop and I prayed to God that I could abide by it. Even though it would take a toll on me when they leave, even though I might hate my ordinary life later on, I would go to the extent I can when fate itself is presenting the chance to me. I'd rather be depressed and heartbroken by the end of it than ponder on a 'What if?' for the rest of my life.

Short but important monologue. Because I myself wondered at times about what loyalty means in a poly relationship. Does it take a mental toll on the partners and such? And Leah's thoughts are very much catered to her being an Indian, her cultural background and all, but also reading diverse romances.

Please leave your thoughts in the comments.