𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙵𝙴𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 [𝙴𝙽- 𝚁𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙴 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙼]

Chapter 57

I still felt a bit numb. I couldn't believe if the last half an hour happened or not. If what happened between me and Jungwon was real or not. I wasn't really feeling myself.

Don't get me wrong, I really loved him. And I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have those feelings returned from him. You're supposed to feel ecstatic snd over the moon after such a confession. You're supposed to have butterflies flying continuously in your stomach.

And they were indeed, whenever my mind went back to that moment, it did. When I made an eye contact with Jungwon, it did. When I remembered how I'd almost gone too far, how close to tipping off the edge we both were, the same fire spread in my body.

I wished this had happened some time later. Maybe I would've given in to him. Surrendered to whatever the moment would have led to. But he had saved me from making a big mistake and I loved him even more for that.

What you shouldn't be feeling after that is the guilt. The guilt that I felt as soon as I saw the other six. When I saw Jake waving at me and beckoning me to sit with him. When Jay fed me a spoon of the dish he was making. When Sunoo latched onto me for a hug like he usually did. When Heeseung and Sunghoon both stole a sudden kiss from me. When I saw Niki jumping in excitement to show me his video game collection.

I had to fight my tears and smile through it. The feeling that I was cheating on Jungwon, which was present in me since the first time Heeseung kissed me, was amplifying with every second.

It had come to the point of an emptiness when Niki had kissed my cheek earlier. I would've been in a daze in normal circumstances. But today I wasn't. I loved Niki a lot. But seeing Jungwon's face in my mind made me sick in the stomach. I couldn't push Niki away. I just couldn't do it. Just like I couldn't push Heeseung and Sunghoon away.

And now, when Jungwon was sitting beside me on the dinning table with everyone striking conversations with me, the food just wouldn't go in.

I love you, Leah Thomas

I love you too, wonnie. These three words can't convey the extent of my love for you. But why does it feel so suffocating? Why do I want to cry so bad and ask for everyone's forgiveness? Because it feels like I've committed a sin by loving seven people at once.
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Everyone noticed how sad and troubled Leah looked. They wondered what had happened to her. Sunghoon, Sunoo and Niki had seen her earlier this morning and they knew something had happened when they left her. The rest figured she must be having a bad day. But it took a toll on Jungwon.

Till a few minutes ago, he'd been over the moon. Not believing that she loved him back. Not believing if he deserved her love. It had taken him a long time to compose himself after their almost sex. But it had still felt like he was high on drugs.

The feeling had slowly trickled out of him when he'd seen his love again. Judging from her smiley conversations with everyone, he knew she thought she was doing a good job at hiding whatever was troubling her. But he saw right through her act. One look at others and he knew they'd seen it too.

Had he forced himself upon her? The mere thought of it was sickening. He could never do that to her. Or anyone for that matter. Did she feel compelled to go along with it for some reason? He didn't think so. Did she say it back because she felt bad for him? Felt scared? If it was true, he'd scream in rage at his fate. How cruel it was to give him the biggest gift of his life at one moment and immediately take it away in another.

Jungwon pushed the thoughts out of his head. That wasn't possible. Leah would never do that to him. Then what was it that made her look so sad and troubled?
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