Today's Riffers are...
Crow T. Robot (C)
Tom Servo (T)
----------------------
T- Carry me in.
C- No.
T- CARRY ME IN!
C- Jeeps, FINE!
Hello, I am January. My mother is Winter, and my siblings are December and February. I am 14, and I am a month.
T- Considering the fact that the months were created long, long ago... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say she's lying and she's much older than that.
Well, month/person. When it is time to do your month,
C- I just realized a pattern in a lot of the books. You "do" many things.
you go to a place with your family called the YEARSITE.
T- THE YEARSITE.
There, you get these electric chains and you wrap it around your arms, and wrists. Once you say "Power." your mom or dad has to approve it and then electric waves go through the chains
(Tom and Crow scream)
and then you POOF! Then you open your eyes and find yourself going up into the clouds. Where the WEATHER PEOPLE come in. Their names are Sun, Snow, Storm, and Rain.
T- We just saw Snow twice.
AND THEY ARE VERY VERY ANNOYING. Why? BECAUSE Sun is always SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL ALL THE TIME. Snow is always so... how do I explain it... a bit SLY AND STUFF.
(Crow and Tom cackle like supervillains)
Storm is always so MAD.
C- Oh my god, at this point, Rain's gonna be sad.
THIS IS THE STORY ABOUT MY MONTH. STARTING WITH NEW YEARS EVE...
T- Oh boy, BUCKLE IN!
Chapter 1:
"JANUARY! IT IS ALMOST MIDNIGHT!" February shouted, tugging me to the YEARSITE.
C and T- (shouting) THE YEARSITE!
Yep, that's me. January Snowfall Newyear. That was my little sister, February Heart Newyear. Unfortunately, not like always, this year...
I HAVE A PLAN.
T- Don't they all?
My plan? I need a BLIZZARD on new year's day.
C- That seems fun!
T- I love snowstorms.
C- Remember back on Earth where Mike would make snowmen out of you?
As I was wrapped in the electric chains, Winter, my mom, was counting down. What for?
For me to say the magic words. I said them.
(Crow inhales obnoxiously)
C- (sweetly) "Pleaaase?"
"Power." I said.
"Power?" Asked Tuesday to my mother.
T- Power power power?
C- Power power.
T- Power power power, power power.
"Sure." Said my mom. And like always, the SECOND I poof up into the clouds, as I'm going up, I GET LETTERS FROM MY FAMILY...
C- They must be used to this by now, just whipping out an essay in fifteen seconds.
Dearest January,
Happiness filled the air!
T- "Past tense. We hate you."
I can't wait for you to start commanding Sun, Snow, Rain, and Storm! My, you are lucky to go to the clouds! Only 31 more days!
C- 30. 30 more days.
You can do it!
Mom
Wow, how touching. It is definitely food for thought. I had a lot of food for thought
T- What does food for thought mean?
C- I dunno.
T- By the looks of it, the author doesn't know either.
when I got December's, my older brother's, letter.
January,
Jeez, why do YOU have to be the start of a new year?! I give the JOY to the kids! Suspense! I AM 18!
C- Sorry, is this taking place at the beginning of A.D or something?
YOU ARE ONLY 14! On the plus side, your leftover candy bar tasted nice.
Ha ha
T- Why do I feel as if this is a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book?
December.
GRRRRR!
(Crow starts barking)
I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT! HE ATE MY CANDY BAR! Anyway, February wasn't helpful.
January,
Did you get mom's letter? It wasn't helpful. Let me give YOU advice: Drop Dead.
February
T- I think I once sent a letter like that to Lexsi.
As I went up into the clouds, Sun greeted me with her usual: "Welcome back." "Hi," I mumbled, "Time to do our... thing." "Aww, come on kid! Cheer up! Have a happy - no AMAZING attitude! It'll be a-o-"
T- God dam- JOY FROM INSIDE OUT, STOP REINCARNATING!
I cut Sun off and said a bit louder, "I'm fine, Sun. Thanks." Then I mumbled something else under my breath, "For nothing."
C- She seems like one of those people who really wants you to know she doesn't like you.
"What was that, sweetheart?" asked Sun. Uh oh. "Nothing." I mumbled quickly. Then, Sun gave me her sly smile and looked at me side-ways. "Ooooooh, really?" she said skeptically. I rolled my eyes. Ooooooh boy. Here comes the roller coaster, I thought. I turned my back to Sun, and walked to my usual spot.
T- She's gonna have a heartfelt concert on that podium.
"A little snow, perhaps?" I asked as I settled in. "Ok!" Snow said. Then, there was a huge blizzard. Later, I heard whispering. "Thank you." Then the snow stopped. "WHERE IS MY BLIZZARD?!" I asked loudly.
T- I dunno, you had it last!
C- That's a stupid joke! I'm gonna tell Joel, and Mike, and Lexsi, and the other guys, and they're gonna all make you get in trouble!
"Sorry, but we only do it when absolutely necessary!" Snow yelled. "WHO'S the month here?! You or ME?!" I asked harshly. "You..." Snow sighed. Then, Summer, Autumn, Spring, and my mom came, angry. "MOM!" I shouted. "You may be a slight 'A' student
T- Slight? She sucks!
C- Oc-To-Ber! Oc-To-Ber!
T and C- Oc-To-Ber! Oc-To-Ber!
at school, but this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE!" My mom said. "So, you are NOT spending your month this way! BACK DOWN!" Oh, no. I thought. I am not controlling my month this year! Then, as I went down, I think I saw a smirk on Sun's face.
T- I'm confused- did she want this?
C- Sun's a strange character.
T- I feel like Lexsi just put smirks in for the kicks.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
YOU ARE READING
the MST3K gang riffs on bad stories i made when i was like nine
Fanfictitle, pook (also, the pictures dont load)