Don't Worry, I'm Here [VIXX LEO/ JUNG TAEKWOON] ~Currently Editing~

Chapter 10 - Lessons Learnt.

Kaisa's POV

I couldn't really sleep, I kept on rolling back and forth. I turned on the lamp on the bedside table and took my laptop. I checked the YouTube channel and the response from the videos were mostly positive. The negative comments were just pointless, 'Maybe she ran out of ideas or she has no creativity'. Well sorry that I have another life other an YouTube. I don't see you making any progress.

After 2 hours, I tried to fall asleep again. Then end up waking up late. I had the covers over my head and I pulled it down a little bit to see the time. Now and then I've been home alone for a while now since Oppa is studying for his exams and all the other uni stuff.

For most of the time, I've spend time to film, watch dramas and eat. As I was eating, I decided to Skype Aunt Clarissa since it's been a few weeks, since the last time we chatted. During that time I was practicing the song for the wedding and stressing about what company to choose.

"Hey Kaisa!! How's it going there?", she seemed excited to talk.
"It's good so far, but it's really cold so I'm just staying at home for now".
"What company are you planing to choose?".
"I leaning more towards JellyFish Entertainment, their offer was the best amongst the others".
"That's good, what was their deal?".
"Well the idols in the agency will mentor me, the dorm will be paid as well as the bills, also they will pay for schooling since they would want me to graduate before I debut and I think there's more but it's a long list".
"Well to let you know your dad and I are very proud of you and we'll support you".
"Thank you very much, I appreciate it", I say with a full heart.
"I have to start work again, I'll talk to you later".
"Bye, Aunt Clarissa".
"Bye".

I actually miss Aunt Clarissa even though she's not my real mum or relative. I really want to visit Eomma's grave and tell her everything. I miss her, I miss her scent, I miss her voice, I miss her smile, I miss her cooking, I miss how she would give me hugs and kisses and reassuring that everything will be okay.

Then remembering ditching school to be by my mothers side, when she was on the hospital bed. With tubes in her mouth, needles in her. I couldn't help but feel sorry. The mother I knew was really strong, smart, funny, loving and caring. How she cherish her children. I remember all of us in the room, praying for the best of recovery. Also face timing our relatives in the hospital, all of us saying for her to be healthy again.

Then talking on the phone with my relatives, eomma talking to her brothers and sisters, remembering that it was on speaker hearing everything they said. Then Oppa yelling out looking at the monitor and eomma slowing closing her eyes and going more pale than before. Then me just leaving the phone there and holding my mothers hands, praying that there will be a miracle.

But have to realise the reality how it's better for her to have her long beauty sleep, not worrying about anything no more. But during the moment seeing Appa crying his heart out, Oppa in distress but made everything else hard.

It was a turning point for me, even though I was young back then I still should've let the situation make me come to realise it's something for me to learn. But I didn't see it that way. I grew more quiet, I became a B&C grade student, I was not that social but my friends would still support me, students think I become the 'Emo' person because I used to be the happy and bubbly person. They thought I was trying to impress on someone.

I didn't have any motivation, the dark circles underneath my eye became bigger, they started to call me the 'Emotional Panda', because I was asian and depressed. The thing I regretted the most was cutting, how much I want to remove the emotional and mental pain, exchanging it to physical pain, but it never worked. I went into therapy, because appa has seen a really big difference in me. He also become more workaholic, drowning himself into it.

But now I just don't give a crap about the bullies anymore. They don't have empathy, they show stupidity. Something I should've realised a couple of years back. So I tried my best to change everything, because eomma doesn't want to see me like this. In my last year as a junior I got my grades back to A's or B's, I used reading as an escape from reality when I'm in stress on the verge to burning all my work sheets. I used music to express my emotions.

I didn't care what they said no more, they now call sometimes call me the show off when I play the guitar cause I attracted the guys in my grade. Well first of all I played guitar for fun with my friends and y'all getting jealous now, they're the ones approaching me. Don't blame me. They scoffed when I succeed in class, getting top grade. 

It made me actually happy seeing people like this now they would envy me because of my change to be better. Knowing I'm doing something right. But school is a competition which no one signed up for, we are all aiming for a piece of paper with a percentage to know what universities or colleges we can apply to, with only 2 years of school left out of the 13.

Of course it's important but people tell me to just live the moment. But it all depends on how you interpret it. For example if I was in a party which involves alcohol and truth or dare, it can make a big difference if I decide to not live it. Yes it can be fun, but the aftermath can be something I can regret for now or for life. Because drinking and doing dares can be the most risky.

Or jumping off the cliff 20 metres down into the water, ticking off the bucket list. It's something I want to do and worth to live the moment.

••• Time Skip •••

I started making dinner for Oppa and I, since he called me that he'd be home in time for dinner. While waiting for the Kimchi Jjigae to cook, I finally made the choice to call for another appointment at JellyFish Ent. It's 2 days from today, so it's pretty close. They told me to bring my passport, birth certificate and school report.

As the food was still cooking, I prepared the documents so I wouldn't have to worry about it. It was just in time that Oppa came home and the food was cooked. He put his bags down and set the table on the floor, I put the hot pot on the table along with the side dishes.

It was Oppa's turn to do the dishes, so I went ahead and took a shower before doing more research on the Idols in the company. VIXX intrigued me the most me watching their debut m/v Superhero and then watching their latest Chained Up, I see how much they have improved. The darker concept is more better in my opinion, the charisma, sexiness and all that good stuff.

A/N

Happy New Year <3, Readers I hope you enjoy your new year with your friends and loved ones. I know I've mentioned this in the past chapters but Imma say it again. *Peace*

I hope you like this chapter, even though this is more sensitive and soft.
Please Vote and Comment :)
(what you like but be nice)

Kamsahamnida and Fighting!!
Annyeong :)