Lies, Camera, Action (Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter 83

MADDY

A hour later I was fine. Well, by fine I mean, I still felt like I'd been kicked in the heart but anyone would think I was fine from looking at me. As soon as I'd seen the picture, I broke down crying. Liam tried to comfort me but he knew it wasn't working so I ran off to the toilet on my own. The urge to self harm and make myself sick was overpowering, I couldn't think about anything else. I looked in the mirror and managed to calm myself down, reminding myself how good life is whether Joe is in the equation or not. I still have my school friends and Zoe and Alfie plus their YouTube friends I had grown to love. I complimented myself and soon accepted that I'm not the same Maddy that got off that flight from California 3 months ago, the same girl that did those self destructive things in hope of some sort of exit, I am strong Maddy who is polite and happy. So fucking happy. Maybe I can pretend for a bit longer.

Liam has a friend who's good at computers and he went over to him straight away. He agreed to hack into the newspaper website to take the article down. Liam was so good to me, promising not to tell the girls about the awful things he'd read. I asked him what the article actually said and although he didn't want to tell me, he eventually explained nicely that it was about my self harm. Someone had zoomed into one of Alfie's vlogs and seen the faintest, faded white lines on my wrists. The newspaper had tried to make links with my self harm and my relationship, theorising about whether Joe cheated on me because I'm too much of an attention seeker, if I was doing it because Joe had cheated and if Joe and I were ever really together or was it just an attention stunt to get a few more viewers.

As for the situation with Joe, I didn't know what I was going to do. Liam turned my phone off as soon as I'd seen the article so I didn't have to see all the nasty tweets or the picture of Joe kissing that other girl.

The rest of the day went by so quick, thankfully. I found it really difficult to focus but did get a couple of pieces of my art work done. My mind felt all over the place, worrying about Joe and having to face him, trying to work who was writing these news article, who the girl was, where that picture was taken and why someone who write that article about me? This is the downside to YouTube, people see it as easy money and no work but when you put your life out there like this, there can be seriously consequences that hurt many people, not just the YouTuber.

'Hey Maisie.' I smiled as I walked into the sixth form to see her sat, writing away.

'Mads! I've been waiting for you.' She smiled and started collecting her stuff up. I'm so lucky to have someone like Maisie who will wait at school if I have lessons, even if she doesn't.

'I'm ready to go now.. Erm... I couldn't stay at yours tonight, could I?'

'Hey? Of course you can silly! Is everything okay?' Another perk of having Maisie as a friend is her super cool, laid back parents who are always up for sleepovers, even on Thursday nights.

'I just.. Don't really want to go home.'

'Trouble in paradise?' She asked, looking up at me as she shoved her folder into her bag.

'Something like that.' I said, feeling sad. I was still struggling to believe what had happened.

'Want to talk about it?'

'Maybe later.' I sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it.

'I know the break up cure, ice cream, pizza and chick flicks! By midnight you will of forgotten his name!'

JOE

'You've reached Maddy! I can't answer right now, I'm either sunbathing in Greece or partying in Ibiza so leave a message after the beep and I'll try get back to you!'

'BEEP.'

'Maddy! Where are you? I've called 15 times, please pick up the phone!' I sighed, hanging up again.

I don't understand where she's gone, she was meant to be home 3 hours ago. I've spent 3 hours pacing up and down the living room, trying to ring her. It's not even as if I could ring her parents and I don't have her friends numbers. Fuck. I turned to the only person I could think of.

'Broceph!' She cheered as she answered the phone.

'You alright Zoe?'

'I'm good thanks, just got back from dinner at the best restaurant ever! I never want to come home!'

'Sounds good.' I said with lack of emotion in my voice.

'Are you alright, Joe?'

'Not really.. Maddy never came home today..'

'WHAT?' She shouted down the phone.

'I know..'

'Well, where has she gone?'

'I don't know Zoe! I don't know what to do, she doesn't really know anyone around here except her school friends!'

'Have you checked with them?'

'I don't know how to get hold of them! I'm going to call the police.' I decided.

'Joe, she's 18 - the police won't do anything! Just stay calm, have a drive around the area and keep trying to call her.'

'I guess you're right.. Thanks Zo.'

'I'll call you later, Joe.'

MADDY

I didn't forget his name by midnight, or by 2am. I felt jealous of Maisie being fast asleep. My mind was spinning and spinning, feeling like it was about to explode. Eating 2 large pizzas and a carton of ice cream has just made me feel fat and the stupid chic flick films have just made me lose hope even more. The thing is, they all have such happy endings   where the girl finds her true love or the boy comes to her house at 4am in the pouring rain just to apologise and give her flowers. Movies, books and TV shows fill us with false hope, they get us attached to the idea of this 'perfect man' and peak our expectations of mankind. Expectation is the route of all disappointment. I always thought Joe would be 'the one', but here I am, sitting on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, trying to work out where I went wrong.

I was sick. Not quite intentionally, I didn't stick my fingers down my throat. I wanted it though, I begged my mind for it until it came. Then it didn't stop. I forgot how good it felt to feel empty.

I looked at Maisie asleep in the bed, the clock beside her blaring 2:11am. I picked up my schoolbag and grabbed my coat. I was still dressed in the clothes I had been wearing all day, even though Maisie had laid out pyjamas for me.

I left Maisie's house and began to walk home. It wasn't hard, I knew the way to school from Maisie's and I knew the way to the flat from school. The streets aren't as scary in the early hours as people make out, infact I really like the peace and quiet. Although I wished I could listen to my music. I left my phone switched off in my locker as I couldn't bare the thought of seeing all those nasty messages. Joe's the only person who calls apart from Maisie and Esme, and he wouldn't be calling anytime soon.

I wasn't sure why I was going home, I guess it's because I've had too many things in my life happen which I haven't received closure from. You don't always get closure, sometimes not getting closure is your closure but there's been too many times where I haven't received an explanation why something had happened.

And I was determined not to make this mess with Joe another one of those times.