Lies, Camera, Action (Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter 88

'So that's it, is it?' I asked Maddy, who was sat on the sofa, staring blankly at the wall when I entered the living room.

'What?' She asked, looking up at me.

'You're going to leave me then, aren't you?' I challenged her because I knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't be able to leave me if she tried.

She didn't respond, just sighed loudly and crossed one leg over the other.

'Why does it have to be like this, Maddy? What happened to us, I thought you loved me!' I shouted, pacing the living room.

'I never said I didn't.'

'You said I wouldn't be around to see what happens to you, suggesting you want to leave me.'

'You wouldn't understand Joe, I feel like I'm stuck and aren't getting anywhere with my life. I don't work hard because I know I don't have to. I don't want to go to Uni next year because I know I don't have to. I feel too safe, knowing you've made something of your life so even if I don't, I can just fall back on your success. You wouldn't understand.'

'It wouldn't be any different if you were still at home, you'd know you could always fall back on your parents.' I sighed, before taking a seat on the sofa she wasn't sat on.

'Exactly! I need some independence. How many 18 year old's live with their boyfriend? I need to get used to life without you.'

'No you don't! You will never have to be without me.' I said sadly, hoping I could keep that promise.

'That's what they all say.' She half-smiled.

'They say it, I mean it.'

'You will reach your dreams, you work hard.' I added, realising I have no idea what she even dreams of. She's mentioned she's into fashion before, but never added onto it.

'It's not just working hard though, you need contacts and money to get anywhere these days.'

'Well, together it's not like we're short of either of them.'

'That's the point, you're not and my family isn't. I am.' 

'It's okay to get help from other people, I would be on about 4 subscribers - if that, if it wasn't for Zoe.'

She sighed again, loudly, and stared down at her finger nails as something exciting was happening with them.

'Why are you so desperate to leave me?' I asked, ignoring my voice cracking.

'What? Stop being so dramatic Joe.' She replied, bluntly as ever.

'I'm not being dramatic! Don't forget all the times you've told me we won't work, you fucking went to Rome without even telling me and sometimes when I say I love you, you just sigh. You don't say it back. Maybe you're just not mature enough for a relationship.'

'Me? Not mature enough? Says the one who clearly needs a constant fucking reminder that I love him, how many times do you want me to say it? Oh, don't let me forget, I've just been called immature by someone who makes videos for the entertainment of 12 year olds!'

'What the fuck? Why are you trying to use that against me, Maddy?! You've always been supportive of it before.' I said, angrily. 

I didn't want to be like this, I really didn't and I didn't understand why we were arguing so much and when our arguments got this extreme. I never felt unhappy with this relationship until now and one thing for sure, I won't be that person who stays in a relationship when they're not happy, just for the sake of the relationship.

'Maddy.' I said quietly when she didn't answer, the volume contrasting completely from how I was shouting at her before.

'What, Joe?'

'I don't want to argue with you. If you don't want to be with me then this is it now.'

'What?'

'You heard. I don't want to be with you just for the sake of feeling safe.' I admitted.

'Why do you want to be with me then?'

'Because I love you! I know we still haven't been together long but I do love you, Maddy.'

'I love you too.' She smiled slightly.

'So why do you want to leave me?' I asked, challengingly.

She looked at me as if she was looking straight through me whilst simultaneously thinking so hard. It was like I could see clocks in her head, turning round and round.

'I don't want to leave you, I just need more independence.' She finally said.

'What do you mean more independence?'

'I don't do anything for myself anymore and we spend so much time together that when I'm alone, I don't know what to do with myself.'

'I get it.' I said sadly, I felt the same. Whenever Maddy was at school, I got so bored. I'd pretty much abandoned my YouTube channels from the lack of motivation.

'It's half term next week, so Vidcon time.' She smiled. I was looking forward to Vidcon, it was always good.

'How are you feeling about going back to California though?'

'Unexpectedly, absolutely fine, I can give you the grand tour.' She laughed.

'That'll be nice.' I smiled.

'Anyway, I'm going to stay at Maisie's this week. That's what I planned so we can have some time apart.'

It was saddening that she felt like she needed time away from me but I did completely get it. We spent every minute of the day together and it was making us both too lazy and rely on each other too much.

I nodded slowly at her decision and watched her walk back into the bedroom. 

It was crazy to think that in such little time, I'd fallen so hard for this girl and I didn't even realise it until now. I was with Sasha for a long time, compared to how long I've been with Maddy yet the feelings seem to be a complete contrast. I've felt so much for Maddy and so little for Sasha yet I loved them both in an equally, maddening way.

'Do you still want to go on a date like you were texting about the other day?' I asked, walking into our bedroom to see clothes sprawled all over the place and Maddy packing things into her small, overnight bag.

'Of course.' She smiled before turning back to folding up a black t-shirt.

'That's my t-shirt.' I said, teasing her.

'That was your t-shirt, it's mine now.' She laughed, shoving it in her bag.

'Do you need a lift to Maisie's, love?'

'No, she's coming to get me.' 

Not even being able to give her a lift disheartened me slightly but I was expecting anything more. I made a mental note to talk to my friend James, a driving instructor, when we got back from Vidcon. It was very obvious to me that part of this independence thing was her relying on Zoe and I for lifts. Of course we don't mind giving her lifts but she needed the freedom of having a car.

I sat on the bed in silence whilst she packed the rest of her things up. I decided that tonight was going to be as productive as possible and I will get back into the swing of things with YouTube, rather than slacking. I needed to prefilm the videos I'd miss whilst at Vidcon, anyway.

A car horn beeped outside the flat, pulling me from my plans regarding the videos I'm going to film.

'That'll be Maisie.' Maddy said, zipping her bag up and pulling a jacket over her.

'Well, take care of yourself and call me if you need anything.' I said sadly, facing the girl I loved so dearly.

'It'll only be a few days, I just need to clear my head.' She smiled before surprising me by leaning in for a kiss. It was a passionate kiss, one full of love that wiped away all worries from my mind regarding her not coming back from Maisie's.

'See you soon, Sugg.' She said, leaving me stood uncomfortably in the middle of our room as I watched the girl I love, walk away from me.