Found

I Found Her

Tobin POV

Everything went numb. I looked straight ahead, straight through Cindy.
"Tobin?" I heard her and Kelley call me a few times. When I finally regained mobility I shook my head and looked Cindy in the eyes. I threw her hands down and stood up.
"Get away from me." I whispered backing up.
"Tobin I-" she started.
"No!" I yelled.
"I know what I did was wrong, I just wanna help you." She said.
"Help? Help! You know what would've helped? Not having to be afraid of you every night. Having someone there when my father died. Having a parent! No, you know what. I turned out fine. I didn't need shit from you growing up, and I sure as fuck don't need it now." I turned around and started to walk out.
"And if you think for a second you're still our manager, you got another thing coming." I walked out and slammed the door.
"Tobs! Tobs!" Kelley called as she ran after me in the parking lot.
"Get in." I said, not in the mood to talk. She obliged and we drove home in silence.
I walked through the door and went straight to my room. I faced he door and took a deep breath in.
"Hey babe!" I heard a raspy voice say.
"You ok?"
"Oh yeah yeah, fine." I said, my voice a bit higher than intended. She eyed me for a second.
"Tobs...?" She dragged out.
"Nothing's wrong Lex, honestly."
"Tobin." She said more sternly.
"I don't wanna talk about it." I said sitting down.
"See, this is our downfall, Tobin. You don't talk to me so I have no idea what you're thinking. That, and you're impossible to read. I never know what's going through your head and I wish I did because I wanna know every piece of it." She took my hands in hers. Usually I loved holding Alex's hands but it just reminded me of who's hands I held just a while ago.
"Lex, believe me, I want you to know me better than everyone. It's just not that simple. It's hard to tell people about who I am. It's so much easier to push things away and jut let everything be a mystery." I said, pleading with her.
"Tobin, I get that, but I'm not gunna hurt you." She put a hand to my cheek.
"Alex it's just, it's so hard, and so fucked up." I'm not proud of it, but I broke down, then and there. She pulled me into her and I lied down, resting my head on her legs. She stroked my hair, while whispering to me.
"Tobin," she whispered after I'd calmed down, "why can't you talk to me? I know you want to, but what makes it so you can't." I sat up.
"Lex, I want you to know me so bad, and I have for a while, I just..." I trailed off and picked up the guitar behind me.
"This won't explain everything? But it's a start." I took another breath and started to play.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

I sighed as I laid back down.
"Tobin," she said, "just tell me." I started to cry again. Alex rocked me back and forth.
"Y-you know th-the stories about m-my mom?" I asked. I felt her nod her head.
"I found her Alex.