Found

Breathing

Alex POV

"Kel can we talk?" I asked as we all walked back into the house. Kelley and I slipped outside.
"What's up Alex?" She said.
"I'm really worried about Tobin. We both know her. Tough guy, no feelings, I can handle anything. But she's not ok Kel. I can see it. And you know, it's been four fucking years, and I still don't always know what she's thinking, and that drives me insane, but this, I just know she's not ok." I said.
"I've known her for a long time, and you're right, she's not ok, but you know what would help her be ok?" She asked. I shrugged.
"Making sure you're ok."
"I am ok."
"Are you, Alex?" She took a step towards me. I nodded.
"Because I can see it in you too. You're not ok either. When I walk past your room at night, I see you wake up, sit bolt upright, and slam your hand down to make sure Tobin's still there. I hear you let out a deep sigh and just snuggle closer to her. I see you get up and glance at her when she's in another room, making sure you didn't just 'imagine' she was here. Alex she's not leaving you, not even by force, she loves you too much. She's still here." I stood uncomfortably in front of Kelley, she was right.
"Kel, I need to know she's ok."
"She's not. And neither are you, but you're both too stubborn to admit that." She put a hand in my shoulder.
"You thought you lost someone you love, right?" She said. I nodded.
"That's why you're not ok. Tobin, on the other hand, lived through the school shooting, everything in the news, but the only reason that freaks her out as much as it does, is because, Lex she lost her dad to a gun. It's a totally different kinds fear, but you're starting to see why she's so afraid, and Tobin isn't afraid of anything, but this, is bigger than her."
"So what do I do?" I said.
"Let her take care of you. It'll make her feel like she's helping, which'll help her."
I nodded, "Ok, thanks Kel." I walked back inside to see Tobin, JJ, and Ash sitting in the kitchen.
"Hey baby, can we talk?" I asked leaning against the wall. She jumped up from when she sat on the table.
"Yeah yeah sure." We walked to Tobin's room and I closed the door. I turned around and flung into her arms.
"I was so scared." I said. I felt her hug me back.
"I know, I know." She said. We sat down.
"No, I thought you were gone. That if never see you again. That we'd never get married and ha be kids and grow old, I thought all that was gone." I started to cry a bit.
"Alright, Lex, listen, I like to think I'm pretty tough. I can get pushed around and keep going. I stand my ground. I can take a hit." She said.
"Yeah, but you almost-" she cut me off.
"But I didn't." She reached over and picked up a guitar.
"Look, I knew you were thinking that, and I knew you were worrying, so I wrote you something." She stared strumming before she sang for me.

I'm like a child looking off on the horizon
I'm like an ambulance that's turning on the sirens
Oh, I'm still alive
I'm like a soldier coming home for the first time
I dodged a bullet and I walked across a landmine
Oh, I'm still alive

Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding from the storm?
Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away

'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way away
'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way away
My way to you

I'm like a junkie tying off for the last time
I'm like a loser that's betting on his last dime
Oh, I'm still alive
I'm like a son that was raised without a father
I'm like a mother barely keeping it together
Oh, I'm still alive

Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding from the storm?
Just shine a light into the wreckage, so far away, away

'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way away
'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way, away, away...

As I walked out on the ledge
Are you scared to death to live?
I've been running all my life
Just to find a home that's for the restless
And the truth that's in the message
Making my way, away, away

'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way away
'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way, away
'Cause I'm still breathing
'Cause I'm still breathing on my own
My head's above the rain and roses
Making my way, away
My way to you

She put the guitar down and out her arms out, motioning for me to come to her. I did.
"See? I'm right here, I can still hug you, and kiss you, and tell you everything's alright." She kissed the top of my head.
"Is it gunna happen again?" I said.
"No, and if it does for some reason, I'll call off the tour." She said. I didn't want her to do that, but if it meant she was safe, that's what would have to happen. There was a knock on the door.
"Come in." Tobin said. It was Kelley. She was holding the remote.
"Sorry guys, but, you gotta see this." We got up and she led us to the living room. The tv was playing the news and she turned it up. I heard the anchors talking.
"Alright, and on to our next story, there was a shooting at a Youthful Exuberance concert on March 3rd at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park. All the band member are safe, although three audience members were injured but are expected to make full recovery. The next day, frontman and guitarist of the band, Tobin Heath, spoke at a press conference saying they are, quote "...appalled that it's being associated with us." The band has previously spoken out about their experience with mass shootings and consider themselves activists against the crime. At this time the iden-" The woman stopped talking and put a finger to her ear.
"Well, news has just come through, the identity of the shooter has been released. She was taken into custody the night of the shooting and questioned. When asked why she did it, Tiffany Basinger told that before becoming a sensation, she used to date the superstar. She said Heath left her for another girl and she hasn't forgiven her since. Heath then because a star about two years later, Basinger had followed her around her tour and lost her when they came to an abrupt stop, reasoning still not known, when they started up again, she was right back with them. Basinger will appear in court on the 20th in New York to plead not guilty. That's all the information we have now." She said a few more things but they were drowned out. I didn't even know what to think. She was still here. I turned and walked back to the room. Tobin called after me but I shook her hand away. I closed the door and locked it. I lied on the bed an out my face in the pillow. It smelled like Tobin. She still wanted Tobin, and it seemed like she'd do anything to get her.