Makeup S.M.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

I made Nathan stay with me so I'm not always alone and he was very open to it which surprised me. "Adam come quick," I answer the FaceTime call from my laptop. "Daddy's calling," I watch Shawn smile as he listens to the rough and rouged footsteps of our little boy.

"Daddy," he gasps covering his mouth.

"Hi baby," he waves at him. "And hello Reese," he smiles at me.

"Hi," I smile back holding Adam on my lap.

"Home?" He pouts at his dad.

"A little more than eleven months still babe," he pouts.

"What about their birthdays?" I bite my lip.

"I'm gonna try my best baby, I promise but I just don't know." He looks down.

"Ok," I swallow hard trying to stop my tears.

"Hey," he pouts. "Don't cry," he shakes his head. "You're gonna be ok, and I'm gonna do everything I can to come back and visit you," he gives me a smile.

"What about Christmas?" I swallow.

"You really don't want me missing any birthdays now so you?" He chuckles trying to get me to smile.

"I don't care about my birthday," I roll my eyes. "But it's Christmas and it's supposed to be spent with family." I sigh.

"I know," he groans at the screen. "How badly I wanna hug you right now is killing me," he looks sad. Adam pouts again and hugs the computer screen. "Thanks bud," he smiles a little. I watch the tears fill his eyes through the FaceTime call.

"Go find Uncle Nathan." I point and he nods. "More than anything right now," I lift the computer and jog up the stairs to our room where I sit on the bed letting a tear fall down my cheek. "I just want a kiss," I look down. "This has never been so hard,"

"I know," he sigh letting a tear fall as well. "What I would give to hold you right now," he looks around.

"I just want a hug," I take in a long shaky breath.

"Shawn," Andrew yells and we both wipe our tears.

"Adam come say goodbye," I know he's on this floor somewhere. He comes running into the room with a smile and he looks at his dad through the camera.

"Bye bye," he waves.

"Bye Adam," Shawn smiles waving back he blows him a kiss. Adam mocks his action.

"I love you," he waves.

"I love you too," he smiles. Adam then proceeds out of the room and towards Nathan.

"How's your hand?" He motions to the bandage.

"It's good," I nod. "They say it's healing fast which is always a good thing right?" I smile.

"Stay safe?" He clenches his jaw.

"I promise," I nod. "You too," he nods back at me with a smile.

"Shawn," Andrew sounds impatient and annoyed.

"You've gotta go I'm sorry," I shake my head.

"I have enough time to say goodbye?" He smiles weakly.

"I love you, alright?" I give him the same weak smile back.

"I love you too," he nods. He blows me a kiss as well. "I'll see you soon princess." He waves. I blow him a kiss back before he ends the call. I shut my laptop and find myself crying.

"Mama?" Adam walks in. The babies are having a nap and Adam is wandering.

"Yes," I quickly wipe my eyes. He smiles coming towards me trying to make me happy knowing how excited I get when he smiles.

"Mama," he pouts as another tear rolls down my cheek.

"I'm ok," I reassure. "I miss daddy that's all," I lift him up and bring him on top of me as we lay back in the bed.

"Daddy," he giggles looking at my closed laptop confused and slightly upset looking.

"Daddy had a show,"

-

"Hi," he smiles. He FaceTime's me every night when I'm going to sleep. I'm afraid of the dark and being alone at night so he talks to me until I fall asleep.

"Hi," I smile back. "How'd the show go?" I smile yawning slightly.

"It went well," he nods. "I did my best," he shrugs.

"Well that's all we can really do right?" I smile at him.

"Right," he nods with much certainty. "I miss cuddling you to sleep," he sighs.

"I miss your cuddles." I look down. "You give the best cuddles," I giggle as does he. "You're big and you're always warm and you're snuggly and you smell nice," I giggle again. "You're like my big teddy bear," I look around the empty room.

"Am I?" He giggles. "Really?" He winks at me and smiles. "Well I mean I guess I'm the best bear in the business then,"

"Shawn," Andrew calls again. "Get off your phone we have to go." He speaks impatiently.

"I'm so sorry," he pouts at me giving me the biggest sad eyes ever.

"It's ok," I smile falsely. "Enjoy Tokyo while you still can," I smile.

"You're not mad?" He bites his lip.

"No," I shake my head. "I'm not mad, go have fun," I smile and he looks wary.

"I love you princess, goodnight," he smiles.

"I love you too," I fake a yawn.

"Goodbye angel," he sighs ending the call. I bury my head in my hands in tears. I refuse to look up or around I hate being alone especially in the dark.

"Hey?" Nathan walks in startling me a lot more than he should've. "What's wrong?" He sits next to me.

"I miss him," I turn to my brother. "I miss him so much." I sniff.

"I know," he hugs me. "You want me to stay in here with you tonight?" He kisses my temple.

"You'd do that for me?" I suck in a shaky breath.

"Yeah," he nods. "You deserve sleep." He chuckles trying to stop my tears.

"Thank you," I squeeze him.

"Anything for my little sister," he kisses my forehead. I slide back into the bed and he does the same but in front of me. I hold a tight grip on him. I know he's not Shawn, he's nothing like him. When Shawn cuddles me his arms wrap back around me waist and every single night he talks to me. He goes to sleep later than I do and always wakes up earlier. He get up at around three so he can go for his usual run and then he comes back takes a shower and gets back in bed with me by six, I'm usually awake at eight and the kids wake up at nine. We had a perfect cycle, but now it's broken.