Always On My Mind

Chapter 77- Too Much

The next morning, I woke up and took a quick shower. Then, I put on my clothes (external link) and I straightened my hair, wearing it down.

We were leaving San Jose today and heading to Oakland, California. It was about 45 minutes from here so we were just going to ride in the guys’ tour bus to get there.

I had to wake up Niall, since he was still sound asleep in our bed. I sat down next to where he was lying on the bed, putting his head in my lap. “Niall,” I said sweetly. “Babe, it’s time to wake up.”

He wouldn’t budge.

“Niall,” I started. Then, I leaned in to kiss his lips, but I stopped right as I saw him puckering up. I pulled away and smiled. “I know you’re awake.”

His eyes fluttered open and he smiled. He jokingly groaned. “I almost got you to kiss me.”

“You think you’re cute,” I stated, giggling.

“No. I know I’m cute.”

“Well, you’re right.” I quickly pecked his lips and right as I was about to pull away, he grabbed me by my waist and put me in his lap.

I laughed. “Niall, we need to leave soon for your tour.”

He moaned. “Fine, but if you weren’t coming, I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed.”

I felt my cheeks go hot.

He was so sweet.

Then, I heard my phone buzz and pulled it out of my bag. I had a new tweet.

@Jasmine_Dreams: You don’t deserve Niall. He can do way better than you. You’re fat, you have no life, and no one cares for you! #AttentionWhore

Under it, were many just like it; telling me I was ugly, stupid, and a slut.

I could feel tears forming at the rims of my eyes.

“What’s the matter, love?” Niall asked.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away.

Niall took my phone out of my hand.

“Niall, don’t read it.” I tried stopping him but he didn’t listen.

“Jasmine, you aren’t even close to fat, and if anyone can do better, it’s you.”

“Don’t say that. They’re right.” I mumbled.

“No, they aren’t.”

I sniffled. “Are you hungry?” I said, quickly changing the subject.

He sighed, and then pursed his lips. “Not now,” he said which surprised me. Niall's always hungry. “Are you?”

I shook my head. I got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and stood, staring at my terrible reflection in the mirror. I unzipped my red leather jacket, lifting up the black blouse I was wearing under it.

There was my stomach; my horrible, terrifying, hideous stomach.

I looked at it from a front view, I looked at it from a side view. Each time, I saw the same thing: fat.

Dumb people are always trying to convince me that I'm not fat, and that I'm very skinny for a girl my height. They're wrong.

Wrong.

There's one word running through my mind, and that word is fat. That's all I am, ever was, and ever will be. I'm not important. I'm fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

Great drops fell from my eyes; the heavy rainclouds in my mind let loose their turbulent nature. I sobbed quietly, wiping away the storms that fell from my orbs. Finally, I kneeled down. This was just too much. I stuck my index finger down my throat and started gagging. I puked up all the substances in my stomach, and I didn’t stop until nothing else would come out.

I need to be skinny. I need to be pretty enough for Niall. He deserves only the best, and clearly, I'm not the best.

Once I was done, I got up, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth. I went out of the bathroom and saw Niall was already dressed.

“Here’s your phone back.” He said quietly, handing the device to me.

“Thanks,” I cleared my throat. “Ready to go?”

He nodded, intertwining our fingers together. “Our luggage is already in the bus.Valeria and Libby are meeting us in Oakland.”

I nodded understandingly.

We got in the bus, and I followed Niall to the kitchen, where there was a cushioned bench along the window with a table screwed into the floor.

“This is our home for the next few months. Hope you like it.” Harry voiced, winking at me.

I nodded. “Thanks, Haz.” I faked a smile. I might as well try and be happy here, and try and forget about the haters.