Contagious (Nikki sixx fanfic)

Chapter 57. PTSD

I woke up in one of the bedrooms in the penthouse, how the hell did I get here? I suddenly remember blacking out last night on the roof of the hotel and groaned. I felt like absolute shit, I remember getting flashbacks of the attack while running away but I don't know why I blacked out.

I looked beside me and saw Izzy snoring away. I didn't want to get up and face everyone yet so I just laid back down beside him and had a moment to myself. Suddenly he woke up and looked over at me. 'Hailie.' He said, lifting his head up for the pillow. 'Hey Iz, how did I get here?' I asked him. 'Paddy said you'd probably be on the roof and they sent me because I'm the only other person who knows...' he trailed off. 'Is Paddy mad at me?' I asked him worried. 'He's not happy H.' He said, signing. 'God damn it Nikki.' I muttered to myself.

I was so mad at him, I didn't even want to look at him. This wasn't his story to tell, how dare he. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Alex came in with Paddy. 'I'll leave you guys too it.' Izzy said, putting some pants on and walking out. Alex thanked Izzy before making her way to the bed, Paddy didn't move from the wall, just leaned up against it staring at me. 'So you hate me now?' I asked him bluntly. 'No Hailie I could never hate you.' Paddy replied. 'Why didn't you tell me?' He added. 'I knew that you would hunt them down and kill them if I did, it was better that you didn't know.' I replied flatly.

Paddy looked at the ground before making his way over to me and pulling me in for a hug. 'From now on, you need to tell me everything. I'm so sorry that happened to you.' He whispered in my ear. 'I will.' I answered with a smile. There was another knock at the door and Nikki's head peeked around the door. 'Get out.' I said harshly. 'H, just talk to him please.' Paddy said. I rolled my eyes as Nikki let himself in.

'I'm sorry Hailie, I shouldn't have said anything. I don't know what I was thinking.' Nikki stated. I didn't say anything, just looked at the ground. 'Hailie please you've gotta know how sorry I am.' Nikki pleaded. 'Look what's done is done, we can't do anything about it now.' I replied. 'So you forgive me?' Nikki half smiled. 'Far from it.' I said bluntly as his smile faded. 'Uh well we think you should probably go see a doctor.' Alex suddenly said.

'Nah I'm fine, we've got a show tonight I don't have time.' I stated, getting out of the bed. 'You don't have a choice, I already rang Vicky.' Paddy said. I groaned as I flung my head back, I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of this now. 'Great so Vicky knows, thanks assholes.' I mumbled. 'We had to H.' Alex said sadly. Paddy and Alex made their way out of the room while Nikki stayed put as I got changed. 'Do you mind?' I asked him, shooting him a glare. 'Nope not at all.' He smirked. 'By the way I'm coming to the doctors.' He added as I rolled my eyes. 'Of course you are.' I answered.

'By the way who's room is this? Wasn't I supposed to be on the sofa with you?' I asked him. 'Yeah Tommy and Alex gave their room up for you last night and I put Izzy with you since you probably didn't want to be with me.' Nikki explained quietly. 'Remind me to thank them.' I said, as I finished getting dressed and walked out of the room.

The drive to see the doctor was nerve wrecking. I had Vicky asking me questions left right and centre while Paddy and Nikki sat opposite me waiting for me to answer each question. 'You guys I'm fine! I don't know why you're making me do this.' I groaned, rolling my eyes. 'There's a reason you black out H.' Paddy told me. We got into the doctors and I was only allowed to have 1 person in the room which I obviously took Paddy. Nikki sat right outside, looking worried as ever for whatever reason, he gave me a hopeful smile as we went in.

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Finally the talk with the Doc was done and I was just exhausted, I had no energy. All I wanted to do was play another kick ass show tonight but no they had to drag me here and get me diagnosed with some bull shit syndrome. We exited the room and I dragged my feet behind Paddy avoiding Nikki's stare, I didn't wanna explain what happened so I let Paddy do the talking. 'So what happened?' Vicky asked as we walked out of the building, Nikki still looking over at me intently.

'She's being diagnosed with Post traumatic stress syndrome.' Paddy told her and Nikki. 'Oh honey I'm so sorry.' Vicky cried as she wrapped her arms around me. 'I'm fine, seriously.' I assured her. 'Anything you need you just let me know, if you need to cancel a show I'll understand.' She told me. 'Hell no, the shows is the main thing that keeps my mind off it.' I told her. 'What are the other things?' Vicky asked raising an eyebrow. 'Drugs.' Paddy told her. I shoot him a glare as if to say what the fuck? 'Yeah she's being doing a lot lately.' Nikki chimed in, as we got in the car. 'Seriously? And you're perfect?' I sneered.

'This isn't about me.' Nikki stated. 'Hailie?' Vicky asked. I signed before explaining myself even know I shouldn't have to. 'Drugs and alcohol make the flashbacks go away.' I said quietly. No body said anything, just all looked at me sadly. I wiped a tear and looked out the window. 'I'm not gonna let this define who I am.' I croaked suddenly. 'It's not who I am, I'm just dealing with it in my own way and I'll come back stronger then ever.' I added. Again no one said anything, Nikki moved next to me and pulled me in for a hug, I let him and sobbed into his chest while he rubbed his thumb on my shoulder, soothing me.

'We'll get you through this Hailie.' Paddy said, placing a hand on my arm. We were on our way to the second show so I quickly pulled myself together. As soon as we got there, I quickly checked that Paddy and Nikki weren't paying attention and went straight to Izzy. 'Hey you got anything for me?' I asked him. 'Woah are you okay?' He asked worriedly, pulling out a small bag and tucking it in my hand. 'I've had a hell of a day.' I replied before walking off to the bathroom to put it up my nose.

I didn't feel like vulnerable me anymore, I felt like kick ass Hailie. The girl I wanted to be or was before the incident. I knew that it would all come crashing down eventually but I was fine with pretending to be somebody else with all the confident that the coke had given me. I walked out, high as hell and locked eyes with Nikki who immediately knew what I had just done. But I didn't care.

I ran over to him and kissed him on the cheek while he gave me a disapproving look and ran into the dressing room with the girls for another killer show.