Sherlock Preferences & Imagines

Sherlock Holmes.

MENTIONS OF DEATH AND DEPRESSION. 

This is kind of based on what I'm going through at the moment cause writing helps me, I get to write my own reality. Everyone is addicted to something and writing happens to be my addiction. 

Please vote, comment and request.

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I looked at my phone as it rang for the seventh time, whilst ignoring it for the seventh time with tears rolling down my face like a waterfall. My hands shook as I wiped my tears away hoping the life I was living was a dream. That this wasn't the reality I was living in. That if I pinched myself I'd wake up. But this isn't a fairy-tale; this is reality. It wasn't a fucking dream. This was my shit life, filled with despair and pain. I wished I could end it. End my misery. But I don't have to courage to use that blade, to jump of a bridge into a strong current, to jump into traffic. These thoughts plagued my mind like an endless fog. They follow me where ever I go. Like I'm tied to them my an invisible string that I cannot escape from. It's like I'm drowning in oxygen, gasping for breath. The demons follow me, telling me I'm not good enough, that no one wants me in their life no more. 

My heart breaks yet again as I think of how shit my life is and how I want it to change or end. I don't want to live like this no more. 

Silent tears roll down my face.

I looked at my phone yet again. 

17 missed calls of Sherlock 💞💗😍😍

7 messages of Sherlock 💞💗😍😍

5 missed calls of John 😵🤪

1 message of John 😵🤪

I put some shoes on and got a taxi to a park furthest away from my apartment. I knew they'd come to my apartment. But I wanted to be alone. I turned my phone off so no one would track me because I knew Sherlock would get Mycroft to track my phone.

Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Daytime turned to evening. I watched the sun set behind the London skyline. I shivered in the evening breeze wishing I brought a jacket.

Thoughts by my inner demons plagued my thoughts again. I want this to be over. Is that so hard to ask? 

My thoughts were interrupted by a weight that now rested on my shoulders.

I seen it was Sherlock's coat. I look at him to see worry and relief spread on his face. 

He is faking it. He don't care about me. That voice I cannot get away from said to me. I looked away from Sherlock. A lone tear rolled down my face.

Sherlock sat down next to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled it towards his lips placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. 

A large lump formed in my throat. I launched myself into his arms and cried into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and rocked back and forth to try and calm my sobs. 

He whispered things like; 'It's going to be okay' 'I love you so much' 'I'm always here if you need to talk' 'Your the only love of my life and I'm never going to let go'

Once I finally calmed down Sherlock stood up and picked me up bridal style,  carried me to a taxi and we went back to Baker street. 

Sherlock carried me into 221B and sat me down in his chair by the fireplace. He quickly walked into his room to grab something. He come back and wrapped a blanket around me then picking me up, sitting down himself and placing me on his lap. 

He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into his embrace breathing in his scent I love so much. The smell of tobacco, with a soft, dull scent of chemicals with a strong scent of tea. My head resting against his chest, the sound of his heart beating rung in my ear.  Sherlock rested his head on mine, kissing my head every so often.

Slowly I fell asleep in the arms of the love of my life.

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I woke up In Sherlock's bed alone, I thought he left early for a case he was doing. I looked at my attire and I seen that I was in one of Sherlock's shirts that reached mid thigh. I smiled.

I got out of bed and walked into the kitchen to see Sherlock cooking. He didnt notice my presence or he pretended not too, so I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his back between his shoulder blades. He tensed up for a second but relaxed. 

"I wanted to surprise you." He whined.

"Then you should've got up earlier, I always wake up now. But you cooking is certainly a surprise."

He went a little red.

"I'll wait for you in the living room." 

I kissed his cheek.

Not long after, Sherlock joined me in the living room.

"What was that all about yesterday?"

"You can guess can't you?"

"I can. But, I'd like you to tell me."

I sighed.

"I don't know. I just feel like my world is falling apart. I've always had a shit life. Disowning my dad, only liking my mother. I never had anyone in my life to support me or to talk to. I just have these thoughts, like demons. They say things like; I'm better of dead. Or that no one ever liked me in the first place. and it drives me insane because I've spent my whole life listening to them, and every passing day they get harder to ignore. I'm sorry I worried you and John."

"Don't be sorry. Don't ever give in, I'm always going to be here and so is John. If you ever think of harming yourself or ending this just go to someone. Just please don't leave life yet, when its not your time to go."

"I love you so so much Sherlock."

"I love you way more."

A wide smile spread across my face. I gave Sherlock a kiss on the lips. I'll always be okay if he is always by my side.