Finding Me (Todoroki x Reader)

Chapter 58

I walked over to one of the tables, not really paying attention as to who I sat beside. My whole body was numb, yet I felt more alive than I had in days. My shoulders didn't feel so heavy, feeling like a little bit of the weight I carried had been taken off. By Shoto, no less.

My hands reached for a bowl of rice, placing it in front of me as I muttered a quiet thank you. It looked really good, and I felt the slightest bit guilty for not helping much. Timidly, I picked up a barbecued piece of beef, shoved it in my mouth, and let it stew around while I sat in silence.

"I'll trust you... A lot of people care about you. More than you realise..."

I smiled.

That made me feel a little better, at least; knowing that Shoto was respecting my decision to keep my distance made my heart swell with gratitude, but it was also a dampener on the situation. 'He's worried about me,' I thought, gulping down another bite of rice. 'He wants to know the truth, but he's willing to test his own patience so that he won't push me. Damnit... this isn't helping! '

A low groan escaped me, frustration invading my hands as they twitched whilst clutching the bowl. Why did that damn boy have to go and add to his list of perfections like that? I thought by refusing to tell him he would be furious with me, making it easier to avoid him. Unfortunately, it seemed that hadn't worked, at all.

I went to pick up another juicy piece of meat, but another pair of chopsticks beat me to it, swiping it away without hesitation. I was so exhausted that it didn't even bother me, just letting out a drained sigh before going for another piece. 'He seemed so adamant on helping me,' I recalled. 'I wonder how he would react if he ever found out...'

Not that he would ever find out...

"Hey, Y/N, you good?" a deep voice grumbled from beside me, drawing my eyes to meet a familiar shadowy friend.

"Yeah, Tokoyami," I mumbled, mustering a small smile. "Just tired is all."

It was true; I was beyond exhausted - both physically and emotionally - and all I wanted was to crawl into my comfy futon and sleep the night away. Maybe the week, if was lucky.

"You look tired," he noted, an amused smile itching upon his beak. "Better eat up, then. You look like you'll need all the energy you need for tonight's surprise."

That was right: Pixiebob, the surprise, the woods...

'Be strong. Be brave. Be normal.'

I smiled more enthusiastically at my friend, plucking some salmon from the bowls in front. "Will do. Whatever the surprise is tonight, I'll be ready!"

Tokoyami laughed, and said no more as he concentrated on whatever Tsu was talking about on the other side. I slumped down again, but I kept the smile, feeling a little better. Looking at the other tables, I saw Shoto facing towards me and sitting with Midoriya and Iida. It made me sad, slightly - the friendly sight - a sense of longing pulling me towards them.

But I knew I couldn't, especially not after that conversation with Shoto. Even though he didn't say anything, I knew that he was hurting. I'd hurt him. That sense of guilt rose again. Why couldn't I just say it?

Not too far from Shoto and the others, my tired eyes fell upon Momo and some of the other girls, chatting with them about something. She looked happy - brighter than I'd seen her in a while. Every so often, the ravenette would steal glance down the end of her table, each and every one of them stabbing my melancholic heart.