His Goddaughter,His Darling

I wish...

          I went to my room and locked the door.Nagini was waiting."Sleeping Draught?"I sighed."Can you just not?Not today.Please?"I gave my hand to her."I have to go.I just came here to see how you were doing.You seem fine.I have a task to attend to."Then she left.I turned to Asmo."At least you don't leave."He smiled and came up to me.Then I just went to sleep with the help of the potion.

       I was in a dark tunnel.I remember this.I saw a dream just like this.As I turned to the other side I saw that I was in Nagini's body.Then I heard Sirius Black's voice."Voldemort may be after something.Something he didn't have last time."We were at the Ministry headgquarters.All seeing eyes were on shelves.Red hair.Weasley.Arthur Weasley was lurking around the aisles.I saw Voldemort's hand reaching once again.Whispering Harry's name.An old dusty lamp.An orange lamp.Again and again.These last three images drove me crazy.Then I got closer to Weasley.Right behind his neck.As he turned around I attacked him.But I know it wasn't me.One hit.Five times I striked at him.He ended up on the floor.Covered in his own blood.I woke up screaming.

       I got my jacket and I ran to Snape's office.Luckily he was there."Ula?"I was sweating like crazy."It was a nightmare.I-I-I didn't know what to do."Then a couple minutes later he got a letter to Dumbledore's office.He took me there with him as I was still panting and under the shock of this nightmare."You wished to see me,headmaster?""Why is Ms.Lopez with you?"He sighed."As her mother's friend she came to confide in me.She was with me when I got your message."I looked at Harry and I saw what he saw."You saw him."They all turned to us."Mr.Weasley."I turned to the group of redheads behind Potter.Dumbledore turned me to him.He put his hands on both of our shoulders and turned to Snape."I'm afraid we can't wait any longer,Severus.Not even until the morning.Otherwise,we'll all be vunerable."

       Snape dragged us both down to his office."It appears that there is a connection between the Dark Lord's mind and you two's.Whether he is as yet aware of this connection is,for the moment,unclear.Pray he remains ignorant."Harry spoke up."You mean,if he knows about it,then...he'll able to read my mind?"Snape's answer scared me."Read it,control it,unhinge it.In the past it was often the Dark Lord's pleasure to invade the minds of of his victims,creating visions designed to torture them into madness.Only after extracting the last exquisite ounce of agony,only when he had them literally begging for death,would he finally kill them.Used properly,the power of Occlumency will help shield you from access or influence.In these lessons,I will attempt to penetrate your minds.You two will attempt to resist it.Let's start with you Ms.Lopez.Prepare yourself."

      I resisted Veritaserum.I think I'll pass this one."Legilimens!"He tried.He tried so hard.But I gave away nothing.Literally nothing."Very good Ms.Lopez.Keep going."He finally let go."Five years of training on almost everything-maybe even more-in Defense Against the Dark Arts is paying off."I rolled my eyes."Five years?"We both turned to Potter."It's your turn Potter.Prepare yourself."When he did it to Harry he failed."Concentrate Potter.Focus."

     Until the Christmas break we came here with Potter for a whole week.The day before the break I stayed after Potter left."I'm not having these visions because Voldemort's mind is linked to mine.It's because I have his blood running through my vains.That's why I can speak Parsel-tongue.How I can link my mind with him and talk to him as I wish.Or he could link and talk to me as he wishes.And even if he is in my mind there is no way he could get in.I've been training almost my whole life."He turned to me."Mr.Malfoy?Does he know who you really are?"He went inside Harry's mind!I erased it from Harry's mind but I did that after Snape went in there."Draco doesn't know.It's part of our deal.I'm not allowed to tell anyone who I am until he says I could and I am allowed to join the missions."He sighed."His blood is flowing inside your vains."I sighed as I nodded."Yeah.I'm a fucking freak show."I sighed and left.

      As I was leaving I turned around to look.He was still standing there.I had to ask."After you met me...have you ever,even if it was just for a moment,loved me?"He turned to me."I'm not quite sure what you mean?"I sighed."Have you ever wanted to protect me?Have you ever been proud of me?Have your heart ever hurt when I yelled at you or cried in front of you?Have you ever just thought that all of my worries would be gone if you ever hugged me?Thought and considered my feelings?Think of me,out of nowhere,when you're doing something that is in no way revelant to me?"He turned his back on me.He talked but it was like a whisper."I have not."I gasped."Good to know."

       I left with my eyes as waterfalls and came to my room.I started packing to distract myself.Because it hurt.I wish I never asked.Why did I want to believe it this much?I was done packing and now I have no idea how to distract myself.Then the door got knocked."Come in."It was Draco."I have no idea how you do it but...you are amazing."He came over and hugged me."Things are going to get so complicated."I hugged him back."I was going to help you pack but you seem like you're done."I nodded."I am.I had to distract myself."As we were hugging he contacted me."Where are you?""I'm in my bedroom packing.Why?"He sighed."After the release of our many loyal servants and having them train Draco,I was planing to let you reveal who you are."I tried to keep calm."Have them train Malfoy?""You trained him well over the summer.Maybe he might not need to train at all before he recieves my mark on his arm just like you."

      My jaw was on the floor and I covered my mouth."When he recieves your mark?!He's not ready!He is nowhere near ready!""That's what your mother said about you when you were ten but you turned out to be great."I scoffed."My mother didn't know shit!As someone who is at the same age as him I think my opinion is a bit more experienced!"He got mad."DO NOT YELL AT ME!"I scoffed."FINE!I WON'T YELL AT YOU!"I broke the connection."Ula?"I turned to Draco."What?"I said in a calm soft voice."Are you alright?""Yeah.Why wouldn't I be?"He looked worried.He took me by hand and made me sit down next to him on the side of my bed."I have been trying to talk to you but you just looked at me with you mouth wide open out of shock.Then you got angry and...I'm worried."I sighed."I don't think you should be worried about me.I have a bad feeling you're going to do something you'll regret in time."He kissed me."If you're talking about yourself...I don't think I'll ever regret loving you."I wish that were true.But he won't.He will regret loving me.And he will also regret being a Death Eater.