Univeristy Confessions 2

[UST FW]

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Warning: This is about same sex relationship. Huwag niyo naman kaming pandirihan.

I'm a varsity player, a scholar, and bisexual. I'm scared na baka mawala ang scholarship ko kung malalaman nila sexual orientation ko.

At first, it was really not an issue for me. I am a bisexual, which means na may sexual attraction din naman ako na nararamdaman sa opposite sex. I thought to myself that if I just stick to the norm of the society then walang issue.

Everything changed when I encountered this engineering student sa may ballroom (bilyaran).  Was it instant attraction? Honestly, i don't know. Ang naalala ko that day was tinamaan ko tako niya, which messed up the whole game. Labo di ba? I said I'm sorry and he smiled. Natalo siya, so i felt guilty, though it's not entirely my fault naman. Malas lang siguro siya that day.

Still he insisted that i need to make it up to him. I know super corny, pero pulubi ako that day and Mang Tootz lang ang kaya ko. Then to make the story short nasundan ng ilang ulit. Eventually alam ko na naman na attracted ako sa kanya. Honestly, kasalanan ko rin siguro. I have chances naman na iwasan siya pero tangina guwapo kasi eh tapos tanga lang ako, so pasensya na. Sabi ko, I'll just spend some time lang naman kasama siya, wala naman akong balak sabihin sa kanya.

Then some of his friends were noticing na palagi kaming magkasama. He said naman na okay lang sa kanya. Pero sa part ko, nahihiya ako because I am hiding things from him. He's so open and honest pero alam mo 'yun. I felt like I was deceiving him, betraying his trust. As they say, omission of truth is a lie.

I thought the situation is complex na. Then it became more complicated. I never told him about my feelings, pero hindi pala siya manhid at tanga. He said to me na, ang tagal ko daw umamin kaya inunahan niya na ako. Nakakahiya not because nalaman niya na may malisya pala ako but because siya pa ang nag-open.

Sabi niya na that time na he acknowledged my feelings pero accepting it was a different subject. Alam niya lang that time, masaya rin siya na kasama ako. So, walang nagbago. He's still the same abnormal na mahilig magkwento ng manga at light novel. Eventually, siya rin nag-initiate that he's ready na for a relationship. Sabi niya let's try. Masaya naman daw kaming dalawa so why not try making the relationship formal. Naiinis daw kasi siya kapag may game (hindi ko rin alam kung anong connection at ayaw niya naman sabihin)

So, sobrang haba na nito. It was October of 2019 nang nagtatanong na siya na why can't we be touchy-feely sa public. Why can't we tell anybody daw na we are on a relationship. I told him my worries pero hindi niya maintindihan. This may sound cringy pero sasabihin ko na rin, mahal ko siya. Pero I don't know if willing ako to put myself in a situation na baka tanggalin ako sa team at mawala scholar ko.

What should I do? You may hate me for saying this pero parang naging blessing pa ang pandemic sa akin. Pero paano kapag bumalik na sa normal ang lahat? I know this is not the right platform to ask for advice, pero sinong tatanungin ko sa real life? Wala akong matanungan. I am desperate.

Submitted:  February 4, 2021 6:51:01 PM HKT