Univeristy Confessions 2

[DLSU FW]

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It was one normal night or I thought so, when my dad called me right before I entered my room. From there, I saw a nearly emptied bottle of alcohol, opened chips, and a man who you can tell has his heart shattered. I headed to the couch and stared blankly, preparing myself to what I might possibly hear. One thing I'm sure of is that I am in need of help. I couldn't tell if I am really okay because at times, I would feel like it. When I'm alone, I really couldn't say. I'd feel empty inside, most especially when everything would just rush coming through.

That night, my dad mentioned how he loved our family and how he doesn't want it to rip apart. He confessed that he would only do such things because of vengeance to what my mom has been doing. At an early age of 7, I would snitch to my grandma on how my mom would flirt with our family driver, whom she were in class with during her highschool years. The whole barangay would make issues out of it, making me feel like I was a Barretto, for we were a controversial family too. I would feel their eyes pinching through my soul as I pass through them, hear their whispers, and had read their patama posts on Facebook as well. You can't tell that perhaps I was just malicious for I had, in fact a lot of times caught their conversations through texts, and eavesdropped to their convos in the car while I was pretending to be asleep. Of course, my mom denied all of it. After our driver got fired, I recalled someone named "Vic" flirting with my mom as well. I don't remember much about him except for I'd often see him and my mom texting or calling most of the time.

"Ano bang meron sa kanilang dalawa?"
"May napapansin ka ba?"
"Aminin mo nga sa akin, anak."

Those were the words my dad spoke to me that night. As much as I wanted to nod and spill everything, I haven't had the guts to just because I love him and I don't want anymore sufferings for him. Also, I value this family a lot that I do not want to be another reason for it to fall apart. Let's call him "C."

C is a cousin of my mom and a close friend to my dad's family. C, a blood-related guy, is disgustingly in a relationship with my own mother. Surprising, I would say, but it was more of a loathing emotion for me, or for you who might be reading this. I have caught them a lot of times and fought about it with my mom. Nothing's new because as expected, she'd just deny it like she always does. On random nights, I'd receive texts from C saying that he loves me, and my sister, and my mom and that he'll protect us three. He's a drunkard and a tambay, so he'd call me at times too saying those things. If I don't pick up, he'd just threaten me or say awful things. How could I not forget the nights when C and mom are fighting, C would text me again and threaten me things, but this time he'd threaten mom through me. It was then when I confirmed that they're really in a relationship. In an incest relationship. C sent me a picture of mom laying in bed, barely wearing her clothes on. He even stated and asked me if I wanted a video of it, or them doing it. And what couldn't bear my stomach was the fact that my boyfriend's family knew how dirty my mom is. The sad part about it was it took 2 years for my boyfriend to admit to me that he knew, and his family knew. It was my boyfriend's mom and my mom's first meet and C was there as well. C was casually showing car photos to my boyfriend's mom (let's call her tita) when tita accidentally swiped left on C's camera roll. And there, my boyfriend admitted that tita saw C and my mom's picture laying in bed. Once, when my boyfriend and I were fighting, he questioned me on how my mom was a flirt. I get that he was mad at me at the time, that he became too personal. I couldn't get mad at him, I wasn't able to speak, all I knew was tears were falling from my eyes and that I couldn't hear a single thing. Probably because he spoke in that matter about my mom, or mostly because I knew deep inside that what he said was true.

From then on, I realized that I have no one. I have no one to rely on and to discuss a matter like this with. I couldn't reach out to my relatives because they're sided with my mom. I can't confess this again to my dad's family because I do not want the same trauma I had before. If you're reading this, please do know that I am in need of serious help. I do not know what to do or when can I hold on and keep myself together, but one thing is for sure. I want to take legal actions to whoever deserving of it in lieu of my situation.