Univeristy Confessions 2

[ADMU FW]

#ADMUFreedomWall61259
I've known this guy for roughly 18 years and I'm unashamed to say that I spent more than half of that 18 years swooning over him. For over a decade, I've crushed on a boy I met at one of those stereotypical Filipino christmas parties where adults introduce their children to each other and joke around how they'll end up together in the future.

I guess those taunts only flamed the fire for me—naks deep metaphor, childhood crush lang naman yung pinaguusapan ulol

Long story short, I liked him but he never liked me back. Things were just like that and I accepted it... but I never thought I would be carrying this infatuation for the next ten years. Nothing really changed. He still didn't like me back but by that time, I was unconditionally in love with him. I only decided to end this charade with myself when he sibling-zoned me. As much as it hurt, I had to let it go. My crush on him will forever remain one-sided and I needed to move on. So I did. I moved on and found someone new who makes me feel loved everyday up until now. My childhood friend and I still talk of course but I've adapted and accepted our brother and sister dynamic.

But there was this one party we both went to last year that had this game of truth or dare. Everything was fun and games until he was made to admit that he had a crush on me before right around the time I had a crush on him too. I just gawked and I didn't know how to respond... and as if things weren't already tense enough, the question I had to answer was that if I liked him back then too. I could've easily lied and said no but for the first time in my life, I was honest with my feelings for him. I admitted I liked him back then too and suddenly everything turned awkward but the game still went on.

He pulled me aside later that night and we talked it out. The bad timing of everything was just so cruel, we realized. I felt bad for my past self because I could've gotten what I wanted, it was right in front of me but I didn't know it. That window of opportunity has closed though and we were just left to awkwardly laugh about it but I knew that we were both reflecting and regretting.

So many what ifs went through my head that night but I wasn't sad or anything. Plus, it was useless to think about since I'm happy with someone else already. It was something I laughed about. I was flattered and I was taken aback. Don't get me wrong, my current significant other is my whole world and I see myself walking down the aisle with him.

That night of that truth or dare game, I just guess I was too hung up on the thought of the possibility that my childhood friend and I could've ended up together. It was  really bittersweet.

There was a time we both wanted each other but we didn't know it.

I just wanted to share this because I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've never shared the details of this story to anyone and it feels good to open up about this.