Univeristy Confessions 2

[DLSU FW]

#DLSUFreedomWall17998

Hello, maybe you guys can say something about my situation?

TLDR: I am straight, my friend is not, I'm not in love with him but, like, maybe? I don't know, but what I do know is that I need him, I don't want to lose him, and I like it when he calls out my name.

I have this non-straight friend that's very sweet to me-- to everybody, rather. We are so comfortable with each other that I'd let him sleep besides me. He's actually the first guy friend that I had slept beside with.

Anyway, he told me sometime around June that he likes me, but he won't push through with whatever he's feeling because he knows that I'm straight, and he respects it. What I did in response was I assured him that nothing will change between us.

But something did, and I hated it. I noticed that he became unavailable, most of the time, which is weird because before, he'd put me over everything. That, I understood. What I don't understand was he'd tell me he doesn't have the time to hang out or even eat together even though after his classes, he just roams around the campus.

The first few weeks of July, we barely had time to even see each other. The last time we saw each other was when our group of friends had the same vacant hours and went out together, and he got mad at me for I don't know the fuck why. I was super confused at that time because I felt a different version of anger. It's not the 'suntukan tayo', but the 'tangina naman ayusin na kasi natin 'to, hindi ko na kayang hindi kita nakakasama.' And this anger somehow intensifies whenever I see him hanging around with some other guys who I obviously look better than.

We magically and mysteriously got okay last Wednesday, but no dramatic shit. Just us suddenly started talking normally. I missed his voice calling out my name, I missed hugging him, I missed the silly fights we'd have, but I won't tell him that, of course. I'd show him.

Just wanted to know why do I feel scared of the idea of him not being with me, eh it's impossible to fall in love with him because I'm straight and I don't want to experiment with him because he's too pure and innocent and cute and if I'd do, I'd be his first everything. I don't want his firsts to be a bad memory. I can't bring myself din naman to experiment with other guys because I don't feel like I'm really attracted to guys. Well, probably except him, probably.

Hope someone can help me process whatever this is, and sorry if this might seem like a fiasco of a story, but I really tried my best to put whatever it is needed.

11*
CO*