Jack Barakat Imagines

I Fucked This Up Again

Could I get a Jack barakat image where y/n and Jack are together but y/n is about to commit suicide or something and Jack walks in and stops y/n you can decide why and what happens next just a fluffy imagine

AN I promised you an imagine and I have given it! Just later than I expected to. Oops. I'm sorry guys. This is requested by wattpad user backs3ats3r3nad3 so yas. I left a couple of surprises in here, lyric wise. I was feeling it hard tonight. I really hope you guys are okay, and if you're uncomfortable with the topic, know that you're not under any circumstances obligated to read this. [also I know the lyric is to let them hold you down but my way fit better so yeah]. There is no text conversation for this one. You're not alone, always remember that. I love you xx

Warning: suicide/self harm mention

Your POV

I looked at myself in the mirror. "Ew," I spat at my reflection. I can't fucking take it one second in my godforsaken body. I can't. I hate it. I want something else.

There was only one thing I knew that could even keep me wanting to be here, and that was Jack. Jack was my boyfriend. Well, he is, but I don't think he will be for long. Not after this. I hated every ounce of my being. I truly did not want to be here. Jack tries to tell me I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm not. I feel ugly, and I feel like everything I touch goes wrong. Somehow I still have Jack. Somehow he still wants me.

Not for long. I gazed over at my shower. Would I want it to be in there? Where would it be? I've often fantasized about my own suicide. I know that sounds weird, but it was something I thought about often. I wanted to take pills, but one: I don't have any. Two: that death is just way too much. If you look up how it actually happens, it's gruesome. I don't think that's how I want to go. I want something quick. The only thing that's as quick as I want is a gun. But knowing me, I'd fail at that too.

Such a fucking failure that I probably wouldn't even be able to kill myself right. There was nothing I wanted in this body. Nothing was going right. I either ate too much or too little. I either cried too much or not at all. I either dressed too casual or tried to hard. I do nothing right.

Except keep Jack in my life. My mind always wandered back to Jack. Every time I thought about it, Jack made his way into my thoughts. Here I am, ready to fucking die, and all I can think about is what would happen if he was the one who found me. I don't know what I would do. The only thing I can think of to even be able to leave him would be that I'd be doing this for his own good.

No one wants to hear me wallow in my own self pity. No one wants to hear me talk shit about myself. No one wants to pick up the pieces. Except Jack. Why him? Why does he care so much about me? He shouldn't, he really shouldn't. One of these days my suicide could actually happen, and all that would result would be a broken heart. I couldn't stand to see him broken hearted.

Since I don't know what happens after death, I could very well end up as a ghost. I would end up watching his whole mourning process. I'd watch him get over me slowly but surely. I'd watch the one thing I don't want to happen the most, and that's watch him move on to someone else.

So what can I do? I'm currently sitting in the middle of my bathroom floor, my razors spilled out and sprawled across it. Tears are streaming down my face and I can't decide whether or not the time is right to just cross over. Where would I even go anyway? Knowing me, I won't fit in with all the people in Heaven, and I can't go to Hell. Haven't won any wars so I can't go to Olympus with Zeus. Where can I go? The only answer is Purgatory. The only known one anyway. What if I become nothing? Maybe that's what I want then. To become nothing.

I grab a rather large razor and bring it to myself. I feel the cool blade on my skin and wonder if this is the last time I'll ever feel again. I don't know what to do. Do I die? Do I try to die? How long does it take to bleed out? How hard do I have to cut? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.