Shades Of Styles

He tries to commit suicide (Harry's POV)

I wake up to the same pain in my chest as I do every morning. Only this morning it feels heavier then usual. It hurts worse. I crawl out of my bed and drag my useless body to the kitchen. (Y/N)'s things aren't on the counter so she must have went to work. I didn't even get to say goodbye before she left...

Theres a note on the refrigerator...

"See you when I get home Harry, I love you"

Not even that note can make me feel better. I've been feeling so pushed lately. Not by (Y/N) but by the boys and the fans. They want so much from me and I can't give it to them which makes me feel so worthless. I am worthless, I'm not needed here. I sigh as my phone goes off, its Paul.

"Hey Harry, I need you to get down to the studio for rehearsal. We have a big show coming up soon"

"Okay" I say and set my phone down. Maybe going to rehearsal will make me feel better.

I get ready and head down to the studio. I walk in and head down to our area. Louis, Niall and Liam are all sitting there talking and having a fun time. I take a seat next to Liam and try to join in but they ignore me like I'm not there. I see Paul and I get up to talk to him.

"One minute Harry, I'm busy" he holds up his finger at me and then leaves. I sigh and walk out the door. Its time.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I keep telling myself to push forward and continue to another day but it doesn't seem like I can do it anymore.

I get in my car and drive back to my house. I go to my room and get a piece of paper and sit at the island in our kitchen and poor my heart in to it. My last words that (Y/N) will ever see. I have to make it perfect.

"Dear (Y/N), I love you. I love you so much. With everything I have, I love you. Everything you do is perfect. You make me so happy....but not even you can fill the pain. The pain I have sitting in my chest each and every day. The worthlessness I feel when I open my eyes when I wake up and when I close them at night. It feels like I have so much being pushed on me and nothing I ever do can make it go away. Trust me, this isn't about you. Its about my fans and the boys. They have so much they want from me and I can't take it anymore. I love them, I love my fans. But they just want to much, they expect so much from me. I feel a ton of pressure weighing on me right now, I just can't see it getting any better. So, theres only one way to finally feel happy again. To finally feel free from everything. I need to do this, for not only me but for you. After I do this, you can find someone else, someone worth your time. Worth your smile and your heart. I'm not that person. I'm not that guy for you. You deserve better than me. I hope that one day you will find that guy to make you smile and make you happy. The way you make me feel everyday. Its going to literally kill me to let you go but thats okay because not having you in my life is like not having air so I will cut my ties from this world. I will end things today, for the greater good. My fans and you even may cry and be upset but eventually you will get over me leaving and see it as the best thing to happen. I don't belong here, not anymore. Hopefully by the time you see this, I will already be gone. I have made my mark on this world and you have made your mark on my heart. But unlike the world, my heart will always remember you even after I'm gone. Its time for me to go, so I love you (Y/N) and I hope you find true love, like I have found mine...you. Its always been you -Sincerely yours Harry"

I fold it and write her name on it. I sigh and go to the bathroom, I take a look at myself in the mirror. This is the last time I will ever be in this house or anywhere. It seems strange but the right thing to do. I have put a lot of thought into this day and I know exactly where to do it. The bridge where (Y/N) and I had our first kiss. Its the perfect spot because I will remember my best memory right before I die. I set my phone down and then remember, if (Y/N) sees the letter she will try to call me and stop me. I need her to not do that. I don't want her to try and stop me. I go to notes and start typing.