Shades Of Styles

(TW:) Miscarriage

A/N: so sorry it's been so long since I've uploaded. But there are only 4 more imagines left! 😬

Negative. Again...when Harry and I agreed to start trying for a second baby I was so excited, thinking that it would be easy to get pregnant again, since we got pregnant almost immediately after we started trying the first time.

But here we are, the 12th negative test in over seven months. I feel like it's been a lot longer than that though, feels like its been forever. We got married over five years ago and it took us two years to agree on the perfect time to have a baby and when that time came we started trying immediately and it took less than 2 weeks to get a positive test.

The pregnancy itself was easy, I had been told by so many women how hard pregnancy was and what to look out for and what to worry about before hand that it almost made me scared to not get pregnant at all. But when I finally did, it blew by like a gust of wind on a summer day. One minute I was holding up the positive test and the next I was pushing out my baby girl. And now three years later, we're finally ready to add to our family and my body isn't cooperating.

The doctors all said to keep at it and that its normal for some people to have to try at it for a while but that there was nothing wrong with either of us and it will happen eventually. Maybe I'm being too negative or maybe I have higher expectations.

Either way, Harry has been my rock through it all. Every negative test, he's held me and told me that we will get our baby when they are ready to come. He's so loving and comforting, I couldn't imagine anyone else to go through this with.

2 weeks later

Harry and I decided to take a small break from trying as it was starting to make us both depressed and we have to stay positive for Amelie. If she's upset then the whole ship will sink. But for the last couple days I've been feeling nauseous and out of sorts so I decided to take a pregnancy test just to rule that out.

As I stand here in front of the test, my anxiety grows more and more. I didn't tell Harry about this because I didn't want him to worry if it was just another negative test. He doesn't need to be let down again.

Positive. No, there's no way, this can't actually be real!

But it is, there are two very distinct pink lines in front of me and I couldn't be more overwhelmed. My legs give out under me and I fall to my knees in tears. I am an emotional wreck at this point. Finally, the universe finally granted me my wish.

All the sobbing, makes Harry bust open the door and rush to my side.

"Are you all right love?" He asks as he wraps his arms around me. I say nothing and show him the test. He gasps at the lines and buries his head in my neck, sobbing with me.

"What's wrong?" Amelie asks us from the doorway.

"You're gonna be a big sister Amee!" Harry shouts at her.

The happiness I feel now is something I can never put into words. The wheels in my head are already starting to turn, thinking of everything I have to do and get ready for the arrival of my new little human.

It's only been a week but I already want to tell people. Today is my first appointment, I'm on edge about it but I have Harry and Amelie here to calm my nerves.

"Are we gonna see the baby mommy?" Amelie asks as I fill out the paperwork.

"Oh, maybe love." I smile down at her. She smiles back and then climbs on to Harry's lap, waiting patiently for us to get called back.

"(Y/N) Styles?" A nurse calls out the waiting room after what seems like an impossibly long time. The 3 of us get up and follow the nurse to the back. "So baby number 2 huh?" She asks.

"Yeah." Harry and I both say in unison and then share a laugh.

"Congratulations, I can already tell this one is going to be so gorgeous." She smiles as she looks at Amelie who is still in Harry's arms.

"Thank you." I say through a nervous breath. She shows into a room and has me sit down on the bed. She asks me the usual questions and then leaves, telling us the doctor will be with us shortly.

After what seems like forever with Amelie asking every 3 minutes if we could go, the doctor finally comes in and greets us.

_____

It was like all 5 stages of grief hitting me at once. I didn't understand, I couldn't process the words as they were spoken out loud to me.

"Unfortunately, there is no heartbeat." He said. I could hear the words play over and over. I didn't believe them though I knew they had to be true. They had a nurse come and take Amelie out of the room. The doctors head hung low, Harry grabbed my hand and we both then before he said anything what was going on.

"Maybe the universe just doesn't want us to have another kid." I finally speak. I feel like I haven't said a word out loud since we got home.

"Don't say that love, you know that's crazy." He looks straight at me, clearly surprised by my speaking.

"Is it though? We've been trying for so long and when it finally happened, it didn't."

"So we try again...we can't just give up."

"And why not? I mean, why shouldn't we? It's no use."

"Don't give up on me here. We're going to get our baby, no matter what it takes. You know why?" He asks, leaning closer to me and taking my hand. "Because you and I have so much more love to give. And I don't think Amee can handle anymore of it." He chuckles a little at the end and it makes me smile. "There's that smile I love so much."

"Unfortunately there is no heartbeat." The words flash in my mind again and my smile instantly drops. The look on Harry's face when he realized my body failed him follows quickly behind and I try hard to fight back my tears but they fall down my cheeks anyway.

"I'm sorry," I let out a sigh as I try to catch my breath.

"For what?"

"Not being able to give you-" I try to tell him but he cuts me off.

"You haven't done anything wrong. Don't start that please, I won't hear it."

"But-"

"No (Y/N), don't start to blame yourself for this. This is not your fault. This is no ones fault." He assures me, wrapping himself around me and holding me close to his chest. Instead of fighting my urge to disagree, I just let my emotions take over and become a mess of tears in his hand.

He is right though, we just need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again.