Shades Of Styles

Not My Harry

A lot of times people won't write about this in imagines because people want to see Harry in a good light but maybe we take a different approach on what a relationship could look like. Relationships aren't always cute. Sometimes they can take a turn for the worst.

No. No I don't want to. Not again. But I have to, for her.
The door flings open, his green eyes pierce me as he stands a mere 20 feet away from me. I gulp. I thought I was out, I thought leaving would end it all but it only made him angrier.
He steps closer to me, his hand coming up into the hair and down across my face, hard. I gasp and begin to cry as I always do, the only response I have ever given him to his abuse.

"Did you really think you could leave?" He asks, a viscous humor in his voice. "You can't get yourself to leave, you love me too much." He wraps his hand around my arm and grips it tightly-too right. I don't love him. I hate him. Ive always hated him, from that first slap, 3 years ago. He told me we wouldn't do it again and that I had just made him angry, after all if I loved him, I wouldn't leave him. Back then, I was too naive to leave him. But I should have.

"I don't." I whisper as I pull against him but his grip only tightens.

"You don't what? Say it." He demands and I can't get myself to say it out loud. If I do, this will surely be worse.

"I'm sorry Harry." I cry in defeat.

"That's what I thought." He laughs, letting go of my arm.

"Mommy!" My 4 year old daughter calls as she runs downstairs and I try to gain control of my emotions as Harry leaves the room.

"Yes sweetie?" I smile through the tears. This is why I'm still here, for her. For Sadie. Everything I do if for her. She's my whole world and everything in it.

"Are you staying now?" She asks and I nod, sadly. I'm so grateful that Harry loves Sadie like I do so he won't hurt her. She loves her father and that's why I'm back. He threatened to take her away from me if I didn't come back so I had to. "Yay." She says and runs to the coffee table to pick up a piece of paper. She runs back to me and shows me it. "That's us." She smiles and I look out our happy stick figure family. If only this were real.

"It's great honey, thanks." I smile at her and pet her hair.

"Sadie, can you go upstairs love?" Harry asks her and she does without even asking why. She really is a daddy's girl. I watch my saving grace run upstairs and then turn to my demon in front of me. I don't know what's changed, when we first met 7 years ago he was head over heels in love with me and I was in love with him. He asked me to marry him a year and a half later and we could barely wait so we got married a month later in a court house. I was in love with him and I thought he was in love with me. When I told him I was pregnant with Sadie he could barely contain his excitement.
And then, something changed in him about 3 years ago. We were fighting about something and I watched his hand go up and come across my face. I dismissed it because I figured it was just an angry reflex, that's what he told me. And then a month later it happened again and I dismissed it. It happened so infrequently for a year that I kept dismissing it. Eventually I told my mom and she made me leave but I came back when Harry begged for me to stay, he said he couldn't live without me and Sadie and I believed him. Everything went back to normal for a while, he was more loving and never put his hands on me but soon, he began drinking and he started hitting me again. He blamed me for everything.
The last time I left was 2 weeks ago and he called me and told me he would take Sadie and I would never see her again so I had to come back. I couldn't lose the only good thing in my life. So I came back today. He knows she's the only reason I'm here so he'll use her against me.

"I'm sorry (Y/N), I don't mean to be this way...it's just, I love you so much. You make me insane." He apologizes but I've learned not to fall for it. Not anymore. He brings his hand up and I pull back but it goes to my hair as he brushes a piece of it behind my ear. "Please stop making me angry love." He sighs and I do too but mine is a nervous sigh. His is full of power. He knows where he stands.
"Are you even going to say anything?" He asks.

"I'm just...tired." I tell him honestly. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I wish I could just take Sadie and run but it's not that easy.

"Go take a nap. You've probably had a rough day." He says in a nice town but I can hear the malice behind it. He can't fool me anymore. I know his love is fake. It's manipulative, he likes the control he has over me and he wants to keep it that way.
I decide to take him up on the nap and go to our shared bedroom. Nothing has changed other than missing photos of us and broken glass across the floor from frames and bottles of liquor. I lay down and hope sleep finds me.
When it does, I dream of the Harry I knew before all of this. I dream of a world where I had left when I had the chance.