ℂ𝕣𝕦𝕖𝕝𝕥𝕪 | 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕠 𝕋𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚

fifty three

Mina left me infront of the brown door, wishing me the best of luck before she told me she'd be downstairs if I needed her. I bit my lip as I stared at the door, organizing my thoughts.

Essentially, I was stalling.

Worried if he still cared for me, I didn't want to intrude or upset him so I knocked the door, hoping he wouldn't be upset. I heard a shuffling from in the room before the door opened.

His eyes met mine and he dropped his phone on the floor. It was silent for a long excruciating moment.

I looked down at the phone and spoke into the deafening quiet, "You dropped your-" He didn't give me the chance to finish before he wrapped me in a breath hindering hug that I returned.

He clawed at my back, seemingly trying to absorb me into his body so I never left. It's like he wanted to mold my body with his or maybe he was trying to grasp the fact that I was physically there.

I didn't care as long as he kept his strong arms around me.

We didn't speak, not a word. We hugged as if we'd never get to again and after a minute, I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He caught my legs and turned around- closing the door behind us.

After a second, I began crying into his shoulder- my body shaking as he sat down on his bed, me sitting in his lap. He hugged me tight and yet he was so delicate with me, his hand cradling my head as I sobbed- he then began crying too.

"I'm sorry." My guilt was eating me up like an internalized nawing, pounding at my conscience. He just held me. I fisted the back of his shirt as I cried, feeling worthless and terrible.

He cried too, his body shaking with tears. "Don't you dare apologize." I heard him gritt out as he held me close, our bodies molded into one.

"You tried to give your life for me?" The way his voice shook decimated me.

We hugged tight like either of us could disappear at any given moment. We were eachother's vices, I realized. "Why would you do that?" I hated how he cried, hated the sound of it.

I never wanted to hear him like this.

I couldn't speak, oxygen seemingly a hard commodity to come by. After what felt like forever but was probably just twenty minutes, we pulled away- every tear dried into streaks on our faces.

"I want you to be happy." Was my answer to his earlier question as I straddled his thighs on the side of his bed. He shook his head and I nodded mine in retaliation: trying to get him to understand.

"I just want you to lead a pure life." A tear rolled down my cheek as I spoke, him mirroring me. "I'm a monster and you're such an amazing person-" I cut myself off.

"I don't want to pollute you, Sho. I want you to be happy with someone as kind hearted as you. You need to be happy with someone else." He gently grabbed my face between his hands, my heart hammering as he spoke.

"You don't get it, do you?" He gazed into my eyes, "You're the only one for me." My heart jumped out of my chest, seemingly stopping for a second and skipping a beat at the same time.

I was surely dreaming because I felt so inexplicably happy as he spoke to me so tenderly. Those kind of things don't happen to me. I'm not made to be happy.

"I want you and only you, Ikari. I don't want any other girl because you are my girl. Whether you had a fucked up past or not doesn't change that. I want you and I need you."

Tears liked to drip from my eyes, I realize. He wanted me. Someone wants me.

I wrap him in another hug, his back slowly laying on the bed from his seated down position. "I want you too but I don't think I'm good for you-" he cuts me off by rolling over, pinning me to his bed.