ℂ𝕣𝕦𝕖𝕝𝕥𝕪 | 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕠 𝕋𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚

forty seven

The room is pitch black and eerie, like an empty void with an insatiable need for darkness. There's not much to go off besides the appearance of a black haired man.

His back is towards me and I feel something push me to walk over and so I find myself inching over to the man. His face has my joints locking up and I feel sick as I stare into his blue eyes.

My father doesn't pay me any mind and it's like he doesn't even know I'm there. I watch him place his hand on someone's head and my stomach lurches. It's a woman, I see.

I feel desperate to find out her identity but I lack the ability to— her face seemingly rubbed out by an Eraser. The woman looks to be in immense quantities of pain before I watch her give out, fainting right infront of me.

It's almost as if my father hears my choked gasp because he steps towards me and grabs me by the arm, his touch bruising. Placing his hand on my head, my body convulses and I give out just like the prior woman.

I watch him smile in satisfaction as my eyes flutter shut— more darkness welcoming me.

~~~

This same vision has been haunting my every night for two weeks. It's been one and a half months since I was placed in Tartarus. Though, these past two weeks have been a living hell.

I get random visions of every murder I have ever committed and every time it happens, I hurl into the sink. The guards tend to hand me tissues but don't ask which I appreciate.

Sometimes I think of my friends. I wonder if they hate me now. I wonder if Mina and Katsuki hate me now. I often think about Prince, wondering if he's being good or if Nemuri threw him out when she found out about me.

I doubt she'd do such a thing. I'm sure she treats him well. I think about her too. I miss her hugs and her baking.

I miss her alot.

The visions seem to get worse as each day passes, taunting me and causing me to lose my stomach. I wish they'd go away. As I finish hurling into the sink for the sixth time today, I look into the mirror.

I stare at my milky skin, my blue eyes bright against my black lashes. The image of myself in the mirror morphs into one of my father.

I look like him.

Everything about me reminds me of him. I'm reminded of his blind eye to my abuse, his attempts to kill me. As I stare at myself, I begin to remember his words.

"You were nothing but a mere pawn in my grand game."

Anger consumes me as I think of my naivity. I punch the mirror, glass falling to the ground in a loud crash as hot tears stream down my face. The guards jump and shout at me to stop.

I grab a piece of the mirror and gather my hair up, cutting it all off with one swipe. Black locks fall to the ground in a heap as the guards unlock the door and rush over to snatch the mirror out of my hands.

As they shout at me for my stupidity, I catch a glimpse of myself in the remnants of the shattered mirror. My hair is short to my shoulders.

It makes me look different but as I continue to gaze at myself, I realize I still look like him. I scream in anger as I clutch my hair, a powerful light flooding the cell.

The guards look stunned for a second as I cry into my hands. They check my cuffs before muttering that they were working just fine. I've never hated myself more than I do now.

I nearly beg the guards to kill me.

~~~

A few days after I cut my hair—they removed my broken mirror and replaced it but put plastic over it as protection—I hear the door to the room outside my cell open.

I don't bother getting up from my bed— opting to lean against the wall. The man who walks to stand infront of my cell makes my heart squeeze.

"How are you feeling?" Aizawa asks as he sits on the black couch chair infront of my cell. I almost cry at the sight of him as I thought I'd never see him again.

I've missed him so fucking much.

"Not too peachy," I rub my tired, red eyes, "I've been having some pretty nasty visions." He eyes me for a second, sympathy hitting his eyes, "Try and focus on one thing. It might help."

I can try and focus on one thing. The first thing that comes to mind is Shoto making my heart clench significantly. I decide he's my best option so I try and focus on him.

It's quiet for a while, my mind drifting from Shoto to my favorite features of his. His eyes are one of my favorite, the hetrochromatic color they have making him ethereal.

After a long silence Aizawa speaks up, "It's not your fault." I'm assuming he was referring to Katsuki's kidnapping, the reminder bringing tears to my eyes.

"It is." I muttered while shaking my head. Memories of my father hit my mind and I begin to sob as I think of my stupidity.

"I was such a fucking fool." A sob breaks my throat. "I loved him. I loved him so much— I did anything for him to love me back." Tears shook my body as I cried.

"He manipulated me into doing his deeds." I slammed a fist onto my bed as I spoke, "I killed for him! I killed for his love and I betrayed the only friends I had for his fucking paternal love!" My shouts echoed in the almost empty room.

"But I was mistaken," My voice cracked as tears fell onto my white clothes. "I was mistaken to believe anyone could ever love a monster like me." The lump in my throat hurt as I cried.

I looked at my hands as blurry tears flooded my vision, "My scars? They're all from Tomura. Ever single one of them. I've never hurt myself, but my supposed 'brother' has." I feel the lump grow bigger as I look up at Aizawa.

"My father knew about his torture! The only person I loved stood by and watched it happen!" I felt inconsolable while my tears hit the floor. I stood up, clutching my chest.

"Do you know what it's like to have no one there for you!?" My desperation echoed in the room as I broke down.

"To have a heartless father, a dead mother and an adoptive brother who just loves stabbing you for his fucking amusement!?"

"Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to have the man you called a father revel in the fact that he tried to kill you as a baby!?" I heaved in air as I wiped my wet cheeks, gripping at my hair to calm down.

I sank to my knees, feeling overwhelmed, "I wish I was never fucking born." I whispered, my throat feeling tight and suffocating as I wiped my tears.

I looked up at Aizawa and to my shock: he was crying.

A few stray tears rolled down his face as he stared at me. After a second, he stood up and walked over to the bars, clutching them as if they were a vice for him.

"I'm going to get you out of here, kid." I shake my head, a few sobs racking my body, "You need to forget about me, Aizawa." I swipe at my cheeks again, the tears seemingly never-ending.

"I deserve this."